Leo
Leo, you’re a slave to your ruler, the Sun, and this time of year, you’re too busy arranging your fancy bikini on its matching beach towel to work up much of a sweat. Besides, you’re bored by most anything but your own reflection. But, exercise doesn’t have to be boring, and it doesn’t have to make you sweat. Just casually drop a frisbee from your beach bag tomorrow as you pitch your umbrella in your usual spot—in clear view of the hot Argentinean soccer players. They won’t be able to resist tossing the old disk around and you’ll work your muscles and your heart without you even realizing it, since you’ll be having so much fun watching. When they notice your hotness, they’ll undoubtedly insist that you join them for a fourteen-on-one tourney. You’ll have so much fun that you’ll end up laughing your butt off, which works your abs and relieves stress.
Virgo
You’re picky and pure, Virgo, and always looking down your nose at others, so it’s no wonder that you often have trouble relaxing enough to enjoy exercise. But it’s time you hopped off your high horse and onto yer bike. From there you can enjoy the endless satisfaction of ringing your prim little bell at the kids hogging the whole road with their training wheels. You can decorate your bike with pretty rainbow streamers and sneer at the blah yellow jerseys as you leave them in the dust. Remember to keep your tight little ass well padded or saddle sores could interfere with your post-ride high.
Libra
Gravity’s kicking your wobbly bottom, Libra, and it’s time to fight back. Autumn’s coming, and soon you’ll be back in heels, so stop messing around with your scales and start restoring balance. It’s obvious that you’ve been a slave to Venus’ demands for more this summer: a little ice cream here, a lotta lattés there. The cheeks of your arse are so uneven that you’re sure to fall flat on your pretty but fleshy face. Aerial yoga might be just the thing you need. As you dangle precariously above the ground, keep your spirits elevated by imagining how ripped your core abdominal muscles will be after fighting the effects of gravity.
