Cancer.
Ahh Cancers. I have such a soft spot in my heart for you, having dated several of your members. Like the crab you are, you won’t ever walk a straight line, instead you go three steps to the right, four steps back, eight to the left, and so on. I see a big, whopping dream-come-true in your immediate future, but you can’t have it unless you really go for it. Come on, break out of your shell and walk forward with arms outstretched. Give up a little control and I promise that your most secret wish will be granted.
Leo.
Just like acid trips, there are good Leos and bad Leos. Bad Leos are obnoxious and always have to be the center of attention—the person most likely to end up dancing on a table in a bar. Good Leos are just better at hiding that side of themselves and walk with an air of nobility and grace. But this is the time of year to really shake things up. If you’re used to modesty, strut your stuff. If you’re the braggart, step out of the spotlight and let someone else make a fool out of herself. Do the exact opposite of what you think you should do and there will be surprising and welcome results.
Virgo.
Your aloofness drives everyone crazy. I once had a Virgo love interest and when I called her, she acted like she didn’t care. When I backed off, she came knocking on my door. You have some wonderful qualities—loyalty, purity of purpose, great hair—and you are a crazy-good list maker, but this year, just get over yourself and find the true spirit of the holidays. I’m talking about love and warmth, sisters! For now, just drink some eggnog, hug your cousin, and laugh at your drunk relatives—you can analyze the hell out of everything later.
Libra.
You’re good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like you, but only those closest to you know your inner struggle for balance and your indecisiveness. Unfortunately, things aren’t going to change for some time. You don’t know what the hell you want and your fickle nature is just going to get worse before it gets better, so really, don’t even try to find peace now. Spend time with people who are required to spend time with you—doctors, spouses, parole officers—and settle in for a long winter. I anticipate a summer of love next year, so deal with your issues now.
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