Libra
Enough with peace, love, and diplomacy. You need to learn to speak your mind without all that internal diplomatic editing. Instead of worrying about which trashy novel you plan on reading in the hammock all afternoon, you’re fussing over your mother’s complaints about the plumber, your sister’s newborn’s colic, and your cat’s sudden disinterest in Fancy Feast morsels. Weigh your own options instead of everyone else’s this month. For now, Libra, I recommend achieving a careful balance of ice-cold lemonade in one hand and Scruples or Valley of the Dolls in the other.
Scorpio
Nobody brings on the heat like you do. Everyone knows that you are one deeply passionate, sexy motha of a force to be reckoned with, Scorpio. There’s nothing I could possibly tell you that will sway your nature, your decision making, or your emotional state of being. The only advice I have is for everyone else: Warning! Danger! Just Say No! Run Away Now! You will have a white-hot endless summer (who can stop you?) with quite possibly more than one willing lovelorn victim in your arms. Just be gentle with that stinger.
Sagittarius
This is your month to soak up a whole lot of goodness. What makes you so special, Saggi? You’re too modest to admit it, but you’re that friend everyone wants to pick to be on their kickball team or take to the George Michael concert. In fact, you are so good at making every situation more fun that you’ll probably even get invited to your neighbor’s future sister-in-law’s shower. Woo-hoo! Have no fear, my Archer. There’s no need to be overwhelmed by the windfall of options. Remember: you’re very good at targeting what you want.
Capricorn
I’d tell you to kick back, relax, and get ready to enjoy the dog days of summer, but you won’t. You’re an old goat who’ll never learn how to do that. Even when you guiltily take a half-day away from your work, you’re making lists, organizing closets, balancing your budget, and fretting about the world’s food supply and the ultimate demise of the human race. You’re not easily fooled, Cappi, but you might be rationally convinced that a disciplined study of Mediterranean lifestyles is indeed a worthy pursuit. Think olives, grapes, sangrias, napping, and creating—all in your bathing suit. Your brain and body will thank you for the necessary rejuvenation. Trust me, these are practical thoughts.
