In Defense of My Political Apathy

“I have something I need to tell you,” I told my husband on the phone the other day.

“What’s that?” he asked.

I hesitated. “I don’t know how to say this...”

“Just say it,” he said, sounding a little bit nervous.

“I’m … I’m … ” I couldn’t get the words out.

“You’re what? Tell me!”

“I think I’m a Democrat!” I said in a rush. There. I’d done it.

Hubs paused. “What makes you think that?” he wanted to know.

“I took the presidential candidates quiz online and I was matched up with Barack Obama on 85 percent of my answers.”

“And who was next?”

“Um. Hillary Clinton.”

“Where was John McCain?” Hubs knew I liked John McCain.

“He was down at the bottom somewhere,” I said in a tiny voice. “Dennis, what is my dad going to say?”

“Well, he’s not going to like it,” he sighed. No kidding. Look up Conservative in the dictionary and you’ll find my dad’s picture.

When Hubs got home, he insisted that I take another candidates quiz. “It’s just too weird,” he said. “I think the quiz may have been biased.”

“I don’t think so,” I said, but I was curious. This time, I took the USA Today candidates quiz.

“Oh Lord,” I said when I’d finished.

“Who’d you get?”

“Rudy Giuliani!” That was totally insane. I wouldn’t have voted for Rudy Giuliani in a million years.

This is further proof to me that I’m neither Democrat nor Republican. I’m nothing. Never have been, really. I was raised to believe that Democrats were the scourge of the earth, but I loathe the Republican Party, too. I vote because I feel it’s my duty as a citizen, but I hate the political machine and the elaborate game that goes with it (three months in CNN’s Washington bureau will do that to you). And when I do vote, I usually end up opting for the candidate who’s the least offensive, although I can’t remember a time when I was entirely happy about whom I had chosen.

Surely I’m not alone. Isn’t anyone else disappointed and disillusioned by our political system? Do you, like me, get the impression that what comes out of presidential hopefuls’ mouths on the campaign trail has too much to do with what focus groups, phone polls and political advisors have told them will get them elected, and not enough to do with what’s really on their minds and in their hearts?