Clinton, Obama, and McCain’s To-do Lists

Given each candidate’s agenda, today’s to-do lists likely include:

Hillary Clinton:
Decry elitism while being photographed buying pantsuits at K-Mart. PM: down shots at the Bada Bing with teamsters after having Secret Service determine no politicians are there getting lap dances.

Barack Obama:
Repeat the distinction between misspeaking and lying, and pray the Pope will be a distraction for the press while Michelle, doing her best to emulate George Bush’s speech patterns, publicly declares both Obamas had not been privileged.

John McCain:
Following an alpha-hydroxy, wrinkle-erasing, line-minimizing facial scrub, meet with Todd Oldham about refitting White House bathroom with step-in, no-slip bathtub.