As a kid, my parents were constantly on my case for watching too much TV. If it wasn’t my future education that concerned them (“You’ll never get into college watching that crap!”), it was my ocular health. (“You’ll go blind if you don’t move away from that blasted TV!”)
As an adult, I find that I use the lessons learned from all those years of singing along to television theme songs far more than anything I ever learned in geometry. I’m often thankful for the kernels of ’70s-theme-song-wisdom that randomly pop into my brain at just the right time. Feeling shy? Not to worry, I can turn the world on with my smile. Got a sweet new apartment? Nice, I’m movin’ on up like George and Weezy. Perhaps if Ms. Powell, my tenth grade geometry teacher, had put her lessons to music and sang them over and over to me each week, I’d have done better than a B- (okay, C+) in her class. Pay attention, Ms. Powell … here’s what I learned instead.
1) We’re Gonna Make Our Dreams Come True
So simple, so pure (except for the whole “schlemeel, schlimazel” business), you've just gotta love the earnest proclamations of two beer-bottle-cappin’ women from Milwaukee when they tell you there’s no stopping them. In fact, the theme song was almost an eerie prediction of how Laverne and Shirley would eventually dethrone the number one show from which they were created: Happy Days. Sit on that, Fonzie.
2) Your Dreams Were Your Ticket Out
The Welcome Back Kotter theme song was always a little bittersweet to me, but it hit on a common truth: sometimes after you ditch that one-horse town and go out on your own to shoot for your dreams, you realize the best place for you is the one place you wanted to leave. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Mr. Kott-air (as Horseshack and company liked to call him) returned to the bustling and vibrant city of Brooklyn instead of, say, Monkey’s Eyebrow, Kentucky. (No offense, Monkey’s Eyebrow.)
3) Come On Get Happy
Even though The Partridge Family debuted in 1970, you have to think that maybe they were still a little bit tripped out on acid from the ’60s, what with their simple hippy message of “Come on, get happy!” Who can argue with getting happy, for God’s sake? Especially when happiness comes in the form of a psychedelic-ly painted bus carrying a young David Cassidy. Grrr.
4) Ain’t We Lucky We Got ‘Em
If ever there was a television anthem for finding the bright side during hard times, the Good Times theme was it. Temporary layoffs, scratchin’ and survivin’, easy credit ripoffs—I don’t know how James and Florida managed to keep such a positive outlook, but they did it with lots of heart and lots of humor. It also probably helped to have a kid who proclaimed everything was, “Dynomite!”
5) Those Were the Days
It’s human nature to sometimes pine for the way things used to be. Every week, Archie and Edith Bunker taught me the fine art of taking a nostalgic walk down memory lane, all while assuring me that it’s okay to feel a little out of sorts with the changing times. But if the Bunkers thought things were bad in 1971, I can’t imagine what they would lament today. Boy bands? Thong panties? Murses? Perhaps if Archie caught a glimpse of Marilyn Manson, he might finally be happy to have Meathead as his son-in-law.
