How Do You Get Through a Breakup?

You are going to go through several stages but here are some ways to make it easier. Spend time with friends and family. Concentrate on YOU...figure out what you like, take a class, do something off the wall that you've always thought about, take a trip with friends, DANCE, make a change (like your hair color or cut, how you dress, where you hang out), get a second job....a FUN one, take long baths and listen to good music, read good inspirational and motivating books, take chances, WRITE, talk about it when you need to, cry when you need to, start fresh like...move to a new place, get a new career, buy a new car! And...I drank a little too! ;) You will work through it....its not always gonna be fun and it will be hard but you will find YOURSELF along the way. GOOD LUCK and keep your head up!

My boyfriend of a year just ripped the rug out from under me and broke up with me Monday. I am devestated. We had a long distance relationship and I was getting ready to move in with him in 3 months. We had a few issues, mainly about my inability to open up, but I think that was just his excuse. I've been crying non-stop for 5 days, have eaten only a slice of peach since Monday night and flew home to see my mother. I'm a complete zombie, crying all the time and not being able to get off the couch. I feel like my whole life is gone and I'm not going to be able to get through this. I just turned 30 and thought he was the one. I don't know what to do. Advice?

she has left. she wants to find herself and move up with her co. leaving me hurt, confused and financially stripped. It is gonna be tough to make it money wise for a while. She has left almost all her things still here. I need to move forward. It hard with this stuff still here.

well i'm going through a break up myself all i'm doing when i feel sad and down about that person i just listen to beyonce's man and monica's man hating songs as the days and weeks go by it feels better slowly

Like the lines in a very old but great song, breaking up is so very hard to do. When I ended my 3 year engagement with my girlfriend over 30 years ago, my life seemed to end that day. Every day since then I have always wondered what my life would have been like had I not broke off the relationship. I guess maybe just remember the great times you had together, even though that sometimes brings back hurtful memories. I would give anything now to have one more chance with her, but I blew it. For you, make it easy on yourself, 'cause no words of consolation will make you miss him less.

I too am in the middle of a unexplainable break up and to me this is the worst kind. At first I text and pleaded with him to either end it or give me a reason and I got nothing, eventually I started to search myself to see if it was something I could have done and start to heal my own wounds..ok i am lying but they will heal in due time except now I am pregnant I text and got no response. So as I get sad and start to miss him I allow my self to grieve the loss of that relationship. I get my journal and I write my feelings and that makes me feel so much better I also try and stay friends and set goals such as I will not text or call no matter how sad or lonely I get. Instead a created a text telling him how I feel and saved it in my phone so when ever I get that feeling I read the text and close it as if I sent it to him and oddly it makes me feel better also I pray to keep from getting bitter and ask for strength.

I am going through a break up now and I have no idea how to cope with this. My best friend that I love and care about the most decided to end our relationship after five years. We certainly had out issues but we always tried to work them out. In the end we kept running into the same problems and he decided to call it quits and date someone else. This has been soooo devastating to me, especially knowing that he has already moved on. Right now I cry a lot hoping that this tremendous pain will going away. I am getting though this with the belief that this is God's will and that this experience will help me grow. It is really hard getting over this because unfortunately I have to see my ex with this grl everyday, it is a hard pill to swallow, but i know getting through this experience will only make me a stronger person and a better person in the long run. I am starting to pray a lot in hopes that things get better. I believe that I will in time. That is how I am coping right now.

I sing along to angry girl songs while I drive to my favorite park and then when I get there, I start running until I'm all cried out, then I turn around and drive home. I leave all those bad feelings behind the moment I get into the car and I don't look back.

i left my live in partner for 2 years and it left me devastated..i was a battered wife and my ex cheated on me.he would beat me up everytime i'd ask him to leave the girl.so decided to leave him.i focueds on myself.i realized that not only that i am hurting my parents because of what is happening but also becauase im losing my self esteem.i enjoyed every minute that i am with my kids and let myself heal first.i should love myself first before i love others. now, i can say that i moved on already.

When I'm sad, I read a good book and listen to music. While reading the book I often dream of the women that gets the man in the end is me. I often wish that the relationhips that I have experience were as romantic as what I read. I often pray and fast that the uncomfortable feelings disappear. I also have a support network who I speak with on a daily basis. But I later learned that the only way to get over a break is to go through the feelings. I also feel towards the end that it's their lost and not mine.

I started playing tennis towards the end of a long-term relationship, and developed a great passion for playing the game. When that relationship ended, I started spending more time on the court and building friendships with other players. Additioally, I joined two tennis teams. This really helped to take my mind off the breakup and relationship. I found myself spending hours at the courts playing tennis and socializing with others. This really prevented me from spending too much time alone focused on the breakup. The enjoyment I experienced while playing tennis erased any pain I might have felt if that activity had not been a part of my life. My success on the court allowed me to remain confident and postive, despite having experienced a failed relationship. Additionally, I benefited from the exercise - my physical fitness improved and I lost weight. Having an activity outside that relationship that I was very passionate about really eased any pain or hurt I may have felt.

I'm single again, and "back on the prowl". Hayeeee!!!!!!

Relationships! Baaa Humbumg who needs them anyways?

Prayer, good nutrition, enough rest but not too much sleep... are all good basics for me to focus on. I definitely have my own boo-hoo crew (I like that term, Lisa!) and a fabulous factor list (another awesome term!) and time, time, time. I find that breakups are the best time to try to stay present and in the moment... every time I start thinking about what went wrong or what might go wrong (or even right!) in the future, I stop and pray for that thought to be gone, and begin to focus on the next immediate action I have in front of me, whether it's another step if I'm walking, or another keystroke if I'm writing, or another bite if I'm eating... whatever the next immediate action is, I focus on that instead of letting my mind wander to feelings of self-pity. When in doubt, I call a friend and ask her how SHE's doing... it gets me to stop thinking about my own problems and involved in helping someone else.

Im in the middle of a getting over my breakup. I was dating a younger man (he was 23 and Im 29), I was his first serious girlfriend. We were together for 2 years and he dumped me 3 times during that time. Everytime I wanted to get more serious he would freak out and dump me. Well present day and its been a month since the breakup I made the mistake of rebounding and that person went m.i.a and now im crushed again. Im sure this is gods way of telling me to be single for a while. I have a great network of friends who have been here day and night for me. I have random moments that i break out and cry, feel sad at the drop of a hat, eating so much chocolate and comfort food. I try to watch comedies on tv when im at home. the hardest times are the nights especially after i come home from spending time with my friends. I broke down and cried so hard during thanksgiving and now im sad about xmas and new years eve. i pray alot now.

Nancy what and where are these support groups ?

There is always that one person you love unconditionally besides God. Breaking up with that person is THE hardest lesson in life anyone would have to go through. Remembering the good times and forgiving yourself for the bad helps, but going through the grieving process is the healthy way to move forward (baby steps). Acknowledge your feelings, accept the change, and admit your part. We can only control our own feelings and we cannot change anyone or blame anyone for our part. When my true love left me I was devastated and it took 2 years to get over the loss, but each and every time I heard his name, or saw him, it was pure bliss and torture. I know deep down that we share that respect and remember the love, but being able to move forward, by communicating, forgiving, and maturing is the only way to move on. The hardest part was trusting, dating, and the fear of going through these emotions again, but if you truly go through the grief process you will find serenity once again.

This is definately a loss that feels like a death. I lost my father in May 2005 and my boyfriend of 9 years left the relationship 6 months later. I was so overwhelmed I didn't even realize I wasn't dealing with my grief until almost a year later. I had threwn myself into work then started to break down at work; that's when a friend at work suggested I 'talk' to a therapist. I had't shared my grief with anyone not even family- I hadn't taken care of myself at all. I did go to a therapist and subsequently group therapy, I found it helped and still helps to know that other poeple have been going through the same experiences and emotions. I've opened up at work and let others know what I've been dealing with, and found my co-workers understanding, many having experienced the same losses, some even more tragic and that helped me put my pain into a perspective that I am dealing with something painful to me, but perhaps not as tragic as what life can sometimes bring. Love yourself first!

Breaking up w/someone is the same as grieving for the death of a loved one. You go through stages. I say, let yourself feel each & everyone of those stages & do not try to block your emotions. In every break up I go through what is called my "pity pot" phase. When I truly feel down, I rent a bunch of chick flicks (you know the ones that can make you cry), I order some take out & snacks maybe a bottle of wine & watch all the movies in bed. I cry my heart out & at some point pass out (either from exhaustion or that last cup of wine). In the morning I put on some uplifting music (Got to be real, is a fav) dance my heart out & start my day brand new. I feel better every time. And if you're worried about talking about your ex to death to your girlfriends (which I HIGHLY recommend in order to get him out your system), get a journal & write down. No matter how depressing or pathetic the thought. When you TRULY get over him, throw it away along with anything he left behind and start new!

I believe theres truth to the statement about loving god frist. And I also believe that woman and men should never be alone. I dont think that was Gods plan. You see I've red a scriptire in the bible. I'm not sure which chapter. God siad he made woman for men and the man for the woman. I pretty sure thats the meaning reasons of why it feels like hell when both sex are lonely. " Lets face the facts." Who in the hell wants to be alone?I'm olny 23 but yet I've expreinced a horrible situation with love. So horrible that I could write a book about it. I still love him very much. And I prayed that it would work out. But God siad he would never keep anything good from us. And I believe that. He is so successful. 24 yrs old and he is a young minister, Social worker, opening up a sports store and he also signed a contract with arena football. Maybe thats one of my reasons for not leting go but I know theres more than that. I love him so much. But love wasn't enough to make him stay.

This is such an important topic, especially as the holidays approach. Breakups are tough anytime of year, but especially during the holidays. Here are my top five tips for surviving a breakup:

1. Distance yourself from your ex
2. Give yourself time to grieve (a.k.a. celebrate your slump)
3. Recruit your Boo-Hoo Crew (a.k.a. support group)
4. Create healthy ways to fill your free time so you don't contact your ex
5. Keep a Fabulous Factor list to remind yourself of all the reasons you are incredible on your own, with or without your ex

I found taking lots of walks, daily writing and most importantly scribing a gratitude list (even noticing the little things...like a shorter line at Peets when I am in rush!).

Helps re-frame my mind.

where do you find this support group?After being in a 10 year relationship we broke up.I probably always had a doubt about being with him and thats why we never married.I would spend the weekends at his house,(my kids are all grown and have kids of their own)It was
great we would never fight,when I seen things going in that direction I would just go home and tell him to call me when he was in a better mood.Now I have been spending alot of time with my family but I still dwell on what could have been if I had married him Any suggestions? Its been two months and I do not know how to meet someone else or date.I dread the whole bar scene as he was a heavy drinker,(as was my ex-husband whom I have divorced 20 years ago) and do not want that kind of relationship again.How do I get on with my life?

Hey ladies! That is an ongoing saga for us. I broke up with my bf of 9 years several months ago and am dating a guy, not just any guy but a co-worker. (very long story). I realized that I don't know how to be single. It's really terrible. Again, long story but I noticed that I spend my time with either one or the other. (Yes, I'm still hanging out with my ex because I don't know how to be alone.)
Nancy, support group sounds good but where do you find them? -Thanks.

Nancy Carol
I joined a women's support group. Best thing I ever did. They were not only very supportive, but they gave me allot of positive suggestions & tips on survival. Something, I would have never known about had I not join them. That was 10 years ago. My life has changed for the better, but I owe much to this group. I will never forget them.

Completely spoil yourself - whenever you miss him, think of what you could do for yourself. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, a pair of earrings, take a bath with the water as hot as you can stand, give yourself a facial/manicure/pedicure, etc. I also watch tear-jerker movies and bawl my eyes out. What a release! Love yourself - watch your self-talk, make sure you are saying only loving things. And above all, remember that "now is not forever." You will heal. Sending cyber hugs!

I cant say what that would take , but I realized that its all about finding more love for self . If you love anything here on earth more then God and yourself it,s a sure set up for failure. Rejection ,lonelyness,and abandonment is 3 of teh worst spirits I ever had to deal with in my life . I been battleing these spirits all my life and today I can say that its God,s kind way of saying love thyself more, and you will look less outside of yourself for forfilment . Then you can love more balanced ,and draw to yourself a better companion. And God forbid if it comes to a end at least you will love yourself enough to know when to let go of a self detstroying relationship

Natalie: One way you can cope with a breakup is to tell yourself how great you are! You have alot to offer in a relationship and just because one person doesn't choose to continue to reap the benefits of your presence, assuredly someone else will. Release all the anger, disappointment, disallusionment, resentment, etc., and give your emotions and body a break, then start looking forward to a great relationship with someone else. Release the person. Admit that you miss them. Evaluate the plus and minuses realistically regarding the relationship. Don't place blame, especially on yourself. Realize there was a decision made and you don't like the decision, but can still admire the person.

Writing is great for healing. What ever your circumstances were for the break up, your feelings are real and writing your thoughts, holding nothing back will bring clarity. If you are angry, write a letter to your ex, again holding nothing back. Don't send the letter, instead rip it into pieces and throw it into the air and when you do release your angers and hurts along with the pieces of papers as they blow away...Time will heal and it will also give you an understanding of what you want and don't want in future relationship and I promise there will be future ones. With each relationship we learn and with this we grow. Keep your faith and know that if you seek your higher power, he will take the pain from you. The thoughts you had while riding the train would be a good start for your journal of your life path journey. HUGS TO YOU :>)

I went through something similar except mine was my spouse . we had been having problems and lost communication and over a two week period he was moving out without saying a word and I heard him getting the last of his things and he left and did not return . I went to the restroom and on the sink basin was a letter telling me he was tired of the marriage . how did I get through well I believe everything has a expiration date I was told rejection is Gods protection and I live each day with peace because someone was looking out for me..God

I've gone through this recently and I have many good friends who gave me great advice and who listened attentively. This helped immensely but I still had to go to sleep at night alone and it still hurt. Accept that there is no easy way. Many combinations of things may help. Try them all and see what works for you. One night it may be one thing and the next night it may be another. There's a tendency to only look at the good things about the past relationship. But there were things that didn't work obviously. Think about those things more and in time, you'll find that you hurt less and you move on and you find other people that interest you. It's okay to grieve a little. It's hard when someone who was so close to you, who you spent so much time with, is now gone. That leaves a big gap in your life and it takes a little time to fill that back up. But start doing that, fill it up with everything you want to do and try. It's quite an opportunity when you think about it. Best of luck.

I have to admit my relationships have always been short yet painful; nothing compared to the trooper listed below (my prayers go out to you). No matter how long though, I inevitably care for each guy and know that they were in my life for a reason-- thankful at the same time that God provided me a way out too! Each time I've been blessed to realize something more about myself, but I've finally taken the initiative to stop the pain-train! I know God has someone wonderful out there for me, and with his guidance and strength I know'll my choice to choose beyond the ways of the world will be more than worth it for my ultimate relationship--marriage! When there are days of temptation or fear, I know that setting my sights higher than the flesh will reap their glory in God's will for my life.

Sorry I almost ran out of room before, But reflect back upon the relationship.Dont dwell. Figure out what went wrong.And learn to let go. If u hold on to anger to long,it eats at your soul. And lifes to short. Be happy,everyday,wake up and force yourself to smile. Remember this too shall pass. And dont rebound into another relationship right away. Its not fair to you or the other person. Relearn who you are,and what u want the sky is the limits. best of luck and much happiness the next time around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awh to new beginnings,and a brand new life.Ha-Ha,so i tell myself everyday.Its been 6 months,since i split from my spouse,of 14 years. My life is going down the tubes so drastically,its not even funny. He lives about 9 blocks from where me and our children live. Its Soooooooo hard, I'm disabled,on a very low amount of $560. amonth, for my SSI. He's not paying child support Yet, It's been in the process for over 5 months. So im at my wits end. But the beginning was the hardest. I have very very few friends, so thats a help with my close friends, im able to vent and cry. I wont feel sorry for myself. Im 42,with 3 children at home. Im unable to work. With my meds. i cant drink, but im really close to go having a few! This is a new chapter your starting.Live life to the fullest everyday.
If there was something u wanted to do.And he didnt support u. Go do it. Take a class.Or so visit a nursing home,help with underprivleged children. best of luck. smile smile smile.

AFTER A BREAK UP I FIND MYSELF REFLECTING ON THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THE RELATIONSHIP, AND FINDING WAYS TO MAKE SURE THOSE SAME THINGS DON'T HAPPEN IN THE NEXT ONE. I EXPRESS MYSELF FOR ANY SITUATION THROUGH WRITING POETRY, SO I WRITE SOME OF THE UGLIEST THINGS I CAN THINK OF ABOUT THE GUY AND THAT HELPS. ME AND THE GIRLS GET THE MARGARITAS FLOWING, VENT, AND ENJOY EACH OTHERS COMPANY AND ADVICE.

Two things helped me immensely when I got divorced two years ago. First, I wrote a lot of really maudlin poetry and just completely embraced all of the emotions that I was experiencing. Once I'd gotten that out of my system, I got a good fire going in the fireplace and I took all of the letters he sent when we were dating and fed them one by one into the flames. As I watched them curl up and disintegrate into ash, I sang every song I could think of with any reference to fire in it. "Disco Inferno," and "Fire" by the Ohio Players worked particularly well. Any song about female empowerment will do the trick -- "I Will Survive," "I am Woman," whatever works for you. The feeling I had was that those letters contained all of the ideas that he had about who I was or what role I played in his life. By destroying them in a sort of cleansing ritual, I was saying "Now it's my turn to define myself and create my own role in my own life." The next morning, I was ready to get on with it!

It sounds a little masochistic, but I listen to all the songs that remind me of him until I can't stand the songs anymore. Then I delete them from my playlist, delete all his emails and delete his number from my phone. Then I do what Brie does: get really drunk, flirt, order a pizza, and call it a day.

Maybe it's not the best way to cope, but it sure is a fun evening: going out with your friends, having about five martini's while you madly flirt with whomever will give you two seconds of their time, drunkenly blubbering and bitching while your friends pat your head in the cab ride home, eating three slices of pepperoni pizza and then falling into a booze and cheese induced coma. Ah, to be young and in love.

Geez, hard to know while I'm still doing it. myself. But I guess talking about it with my two best girlfriends who also went through similar relationships and break-ups this last year. By sharing our commonalities we're healing ourselves. Red wine, chocolate, dancing, and new experiences and people in our lives are helping, too.

When I'm sad and missing someone, often I just want to be alone. It helps me a lot to write in my journal, or even just write a fake letter to him that I never end up sending. Just writing it out is a great release. I also find that going out with girlfriends, having some drinks, and just having a fun night is really helpful. My girlfriends have definitely gotten me through some tough times. Thank god for them and strong drinks!