Some people claim it’s veiny hands, some think that it’s crows’ feet. I maintain that there’s nothing that makes you look haggard quite like prematurely yellowed teeth.
In proof of my theory, I offer Exhibit A: Lindsay Lohan. Am I right, or am I right?
Thus have I been on a quest for perfectly white teeth for the better part of my adulthood. I’ve tried everything—strips, trays, toothpastes—never getting results that were any better than “meh.” (Well, I’ve tried everything except actually giving up red wine and coffee, because that would just be crazy.)
But it’s a magical modern world that we live in, and the good news is there are other options. I recently tried the new GLO Brilliant Personal Teeth Whitening Device, which claims to whiten teeth quickly and without the nasty sensitivity that’s par for the course with other whitening regimens. Here’s how it works:
Step 1. Apply the minty lip balm.
This isn’t just for fun—the balm keeps your lips safe from the whitening gel. Trust me when I say that this is an important step, so don’t skip it.
Step 2: Paint your teeth with the whitening gel.
Crack open one of the G-Vials and paint about ¼ of the whitening gel onto your teeth. The GLO system uses a 6 percent hydrogen peroxide gel that’s activated by light and heat, and doesn’t make your gums or soft tissues angry.
Step 3: Turn it on and chill out while your husband makes fun of you.
The GLO Control is like a little iPod you wear around your neck, and you plug the mouthpiece into it. So while you’re GLOing, you can walk around, do work, cook dinner, or otherwise wander free instead of being tethered to a wall outlet. While I GLOed, I tidied up and made dinner, prompting my husband to remark that I looked like a housekeeping robot. I assure you that this was hilarious.
Step 4: Repeat three more times.
Each GLO cycle lasts for eight minutes. After one is up, you put on new gel and start over, so you spend a total of thirty-two minutes GLOing per day.
Step 5: Blind people with your gorgeous teeth.
After five days of GLO, my teeth looked fantastic (even my crowns—the GLO whitens dental work, too). The gum area right in front was a little sore from coming into contact with the gel, but that subsided quickly, and there was no sensitivity at all. The real worst part (other than that I wasn’t able to talk for thirty-two minutes per day) was the heckling. But then when he saw my teeth, my husband asked if he could use the system, too. So there.
There are way cheaper options out there for teeth whitening—the GLO Brilliant is $275—but it’s all about what’s most important to you. Whitening strips are inexpensive, but they take a couple of weeks to work—if at all. Dentist systems work fast, but they’re super-pricy and can really hurt. Do you want the lowest price, the best results, or the smallest time investment? In my opinion, the GLO Brilliant is just about the best option for quick, fuss-free whitening without sensitivity. Also it’s the only option that makes you look like a housekeeping robot, and that’s pretty cool.
The Lab Rat is dedicated to testing curious and dubious beauty, fitness, food, and lifestyle trends and products. If you've ever wondered whether a particular fad is worth trying or buying, please email The Lab Rat at firstname.lastname@example.org.