It is said that on All Hallow's Eve, the ghostly remains of squished roadkill victims rise from their roadside graves to haunt the cold-blooded killers (like my mother) who mowed them down. If you have a guilty conscience and must travel a highway or byway on Halloween, I'd highly suggest equipping your vehicle with a roadkill plushie, the only effective amulet against these terrorizing flattened ghosts. Choose from a raccoon, a rabbit, and a hedgehog; each comes in its own body bag. Macabre, but funny, and even cute!

If I was ever perfect enough to be a Martha clone, I'd source burlap sacks from my local coffee house and add striking black typography to create sturdy baskets to sit on my perfect porch, filled with homemade Halloween candy and handpicked fruits and veggies. They say you can't improve on perfect, but you can cheat it; my perfect shortcut is to buy these lovely baskets from Brin and Nohl and fill them with store-bought candy. Up yours Martha!

Know a kid who can't decide if she's a princess or a crime-fighting superhero? Then this reversible cape is for her (ahem, me). One side is a hot pink cape with a princess crown applique of sapphire and purple jewels, and the other side is a purple cape with a silver Batgirl applique. Wouldn't you love to look in your wardrobe every morning and decide which character you'll be today?

I can't tell a good ghost story; I usually chicken out before I get to the scary parts, rewording them to be funny so that I am left feeling relieved and kids around me, disappointed. Thinking that if I had this horror sound machine, I could let its creepy effects do all the work for me. I could read Chicken Little and add a blood-curdling scream every time he says, "The sky is falling!" and everyone would be terrified!

Channel the saying, "Less is more" when you're getting dressed for work on Halloween. Think pasty-white face with normal clothing, or a trickle of blood (preferably fake) at your ear or mouth, or a knife in your back (again, preferably fake). Another option is to add just a touch of festivity with a pair of printed tights like these skull tights. Less scary/itchy than head-to-toe polyester, but still fun. Bonus: you can give them to your teenage daughter/niece to wear for the rest of the year.