12 products for Your "50 Shades of Grey" Lifestyle

By now you’ve surely heard about (or read) Fifty Shades of Grey, the smut trilogy that’s causing American moms to spend a lot more time taking long bubble baths, if you catch our drift. You may even know that Grey is being turned into a movie, a makeup line, and perhaps even a housewares range.   But why stop there? You can enjoy a complete Fifty Shades of Grey lifestyle with these handmade products from Etsy, sure to amuse and delight everyone you encounter.
  • Notecards

    A real lady always has personalized stationery on which to write thank-you notes, tea invitations, and other classy correspondence. Make sure yours contain strange, opaque references to bondage and masturbation.

    via Etsy seller sassyalice

  • Necklace

    Apparently the guy in the book wears a lot of ties? So instead of being truly stylish and donning some kicky Annie Hall-style menswear, put on a weird faux-tie necklace that’s wee and makes you look like a giant.

    via Etsy seller gwyllion

  • Blackberry Case

    “Laters baby”? I’m sorry, but men who cannot speak English properly should not be rewarded for their dunce-itude by getting to have sex with college girls.

    via Etsy seller VDirect

  • Chocolate Handcuffs

    I am told that handcuffs figure quite prominently in this book. Get a set of chocolate ones, so that when you’re done with your kinky fuckery, you can have a snack.

    via Etsy seller SuesSweetShop

  • Bracelet

    This bracelet is described as “European style,” although we’re not sure what makes it so continental. Is it because the Portuguese invented bondage? (Look it up.) Who knows? But it’s probably safe to say that when you walk around wearing a bracelet that advertises your affection for whips and chains, you probably meet a lot of interesting people.

    via Etsy seller geraldsbargains

  • Car Decals

    Apparently this is something that the main character exclaims quite often. As in, “Oh my, Mr. Grey, your throbbing member is quite tumescent,” or “Oh my, I don’t believe you should put that toothbrush down there, Mr. Grey,” or “Oh my, I was sort of into this at first, but now I’m just starting to think that you’re an unstable asshole who just gets off on abusing women.”

    via Etsy seller VictoryDecals

  • Cell Phone Charm

    This noisy little bit of hardware doesn’t just remind you of your favorite book every time you get a call—it also makes such a clankety racket that the person you’re talking to will say, “What is that noise I’m hearing?” and you’ll reply, “Oh, it’s just my Fifty Shades of Grey phone jangly with a tie and handcuffs and such knocking against my phone,” and the person will say, “Oh you read that stuff?” and you’ll say, “Yes, it’s totes my fave, omg I wish I was being spanked this very moment!” and then the person will say, “Okay then.”

    via Etsy seller geraldsbargains

  • Handcuff Earrings

    Nothing says “respectable middle-aged mom” like a pair of handcuff earrings!

    via Etsy seller Jennifer Ray

  • T-Shirt

    Tell everyone where you stand. Baristas, deliverymen, randoms on the bus, the cute guy at your gym, the not-so-cute guy at your gym, everybody. Tell them that you like your fuckery kinky, or not at all.

    via Etsy seller NorthwindThreads

  • Keychain

    What’s sexxxier than a keychain? Especially a keychain with a helicopter charm and some military jargon? It’s making me all hot and bothered right now.

    via Etsy Seller Traci Kennedy
  • Nail Tips

    You’ll love scratching these bad boys down your lover’s back…and then when they pop off and he sees what kind of upscale broad he’s having kinky fuckery with.

    via Etsy seller sarah

  • Tank Top

    It’s true, you know.

    via Etsy seller NorthwindThreads

  • Wine Charms

    When you’re gathered with your lady friends, discussing all the various ways that Anastasia and Mr. Grey get funky and how all of you would like to get funky with your accountant husbands, make sure to use these wine charms so you don’t accidentally sip each other’s chardonnay. One must have boundaries, after all.

    via Etsy seller Kathy Shaller


Loading comments...