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“The Bachelor”: Top Five Cringe-Worthy Moments

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This week on The Bachelor, Ben and the remaining nine hopefuls travel to Panama City, Panama—the group’s sixth destination stop, because evidently it’s impossible to fall in love without traversing the world. Ben attempted to show off his manly tribal skills by viciously murdering a coconut with a machete and catching an unlucky fish that was obviously placed in the ocean by an ABC intern. While Ben maintains his signature go-with-the-flow demeanor for the entirety of the show, the girls continue to deliver liberal doses of OMG and WTF moments. So much so that we feel it necessary to dole out awards for the most ridiculous, cringe-worthy, emotional incidences of the night. Sit back, pour yourself another glass of white wine, and see which crazies made the cut.

Most Lord of the Flies-Esque Moment

On the first one-on-one date, Ben and Kacie B. fly by helicopter (shocking) to a deserted island where they are dropped off and left completely stranded to experience what it’s like to live in the wild. They were instructed to bring three items for survival. Kacie demonstrates that’s she’s the real-life version of Jenna from 13 Going on 30 when she reveals a stuffed monkey, a wine key, and a bag of candy. Ben opens his bag to see what the intern packed for him and finds a machete, a fishing net, and a book of matches. The date consists of Ben fighting with coconuts, frolicking up and down the beach with wine (that must have been one of the camera man’s three items), and a hearty dinner of fish and Laffy Taffy. As the date ends, Ben delivers the inevitable “if we can do [blank], we can do anything together” line. Wow, are they in for a rude real-world awakening.

Best Cross-Cultural Moment

For the group date, Ben picks the girls up in a boat as they swoon over his ability to steer the vessel and dock it on a dirt shore. As they are travelling down the river, they spot native children in loincloths playing soccer. The group “spontaneously” docks the boat and follows the children to a “haphazard” village. The girls are whisked away into huts to put on traditional tribal garb. Naturally, model Courtney takes the idea of going native too far by taking off her bikini top under her loosely fitted beaded top, shimmying and shaking her way into Ben’s heart. Ben comes out in a loincloth looking like a mix between Tarzan and Cupid. The rest of the day is spent mingling with the tribe and trying to bridge the biggest cultural divide known to mankind.

Most Stalkerish Moment

Want to scare a guy away in less than five minutes? Try scrapbooking! Blakely finally scores some solo time with Ben, during which she pulls out the ultimate man-repellant: an obsessive middle-schooler stalker book complete with Ben’s name scribbled across the cover in Magic Marker. Taking cues from Kate Hudson’s character in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, she points out pictures, magazine clippings, fantasy date scenarios, and most likely Photoshopped pictures of what their children will look like. Needless to say, Ben was freaked out and swiftly sent her packing. Maybe a mixed CD would have been more effective.  

Most Ugly-Cry-Inducing Moment of the Night

Host Chris Harrison (aka the omen of bad news) requests a private chat with Casey (the girl who’s said but a mere three words to Ben over the course of the show). Chris quickly gets Casey to reveal that she’s still in love with her ex-boyfriend from back home. Casey shares the news with an unfazed Ben, who promptly tells her to go home. Chris comforts Casey while trying not to laugh as the distressed contestant delivers shrill wails that would make you think a close relative just died and contorts her face in inhuman ways. Not a cute look.

Most Painfully Awkward Moment of the Night

Jamie (the girl you didn’t remember until now) pulls Ben aside during the rose ceremony preparty in hopes of showing him how much she likes him. And that she did—well, sort of. “I want to turn Ben on; I want him to look at me and I want him to be really attracted to me,” she had said in an interview. Her plan to make that happen? Struggle to hike up her skintight dress, force herself onto Ben’s lap, and deliver a sloppy, unnatural kiss. After the audience recovers from the awkwardness and decides to lower their hands from their violated eyes, Jamie spews out a horribly stereotypical line that she probably read from one of the other girl’s copies of Cosmo, saying, “When I go to bed at night … I think about the things I would like to do with you.” For the next several unfortunate minutes, Jamie continues to make an utter fool of herself by giving Ben a step-by-step lesson on how to French kiss a girl: “When my mouth is open, your mouth is closed, and vice versa.” Most. Painful. Moment. Ever.

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