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Beyond the Pale: Eleven Tan-Happy Celebrities

Celebrities aren’t shy about living the good life. They brag about their 8-carat engagement rings, designer dresses, villas on Lake Como, gold-plated iPhones, and chauffeur-driven Bentleys. They love enjoying the excesses of fame and fortune, which also include personal trainers, hair and makeup artists who visit daily, live-in chefs, and even people who pick out their clothes for them. But a few celebs should really add one more employee to their entourages—a spray-tan consultant. Because good Lord, some of them just do not know when to lay off the sauce. Do they think they look good? Do they just not know how to properly apply self-tanner? Are they color-blind? Most often, these orange-hued stars just make us wonder, Is skin supposed to come in that color? Related Stories: Nine Terrific Self-Tanners: No Sun Required Stop Comparing Yourself to Celebrities Ten Actors Who Tried—and Failed—To Be Pop Stars
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Aubrey O’Day
DJ Pauly DelVecchio
Kim Kardashian
David Hasselhoff
Victoria Beckham
Kristin Cavallari
Bradley Cooper
Tara Reid
Jennifer Aniston
Christina Aguilera
Lindsay Lohan
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Aubrey O’Day

If you’re wondering who the hell Aubrey O’Day is, it may not help to tell you that she was in the girl band Danity Kane. Making the Band 3? Still not ringing a bell? Anyway, these days she’s most known for having her own show on the Oxygen network, making curious fashion choices, and often having skin the color of a basketball. Maybe she’s angling to be on the next season of Jersey Shore. Speaking of guidos …
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DJ Pauly DelVecchio

Although most of the employees of the Shore Store could have made this list, Pauly D takes the cake as the tanning-est member of that household. I didn’t realize that tanning was such a traditional Italian activity.
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Kim Kardashian

The fake tan is far from the only synthetic part of Kim Kardashian’s body.
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David Hasselhoff

If he had kept up this particular dermatological hue during his Knight Rider days, KITT would have told him that he wasn’t fooling anybody. But maybe fake tans are a big deal in Germany.
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Victoria Beckham

Personally, I think that if you’re going to cultivate the image of an edgy ice princess, pale is the way to go, but maybe Posh thinks that having a tan will make her look skinnier—because she obviously needs the help.
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Kristin Cavallari

When your life peaks at age nineteen after you star in an MTV reality show, sometimes you have to take drastic measures to keep yourself relevant and in the public eye. Assuming traffic-light skin colors definitely catches people’s attention.
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Bradley Cooper

“Studiously disheveled hair? Check! Tabloid-friendly relationship? Check! Hit movie franchise? Check! Unnatural tan? Check! I’m gonna be a big star!”
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Tara Reid

Oh, Tara. How far you’ve fallen from those sweet and heady days of American Pie, back when having sex with baked goods was still quaint and you looked like a fresh-faced young starlet. Now the innocence is gone, and your world is all about nipple slips and your begging bouncers to let you into clubs. When you inevitably check into Celebrity Rehab, please promise us that self-tanner is the addiction you’ll kick.
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Jennifer Aniston

We get it, Aniston. You are the ultimate relaxed, easygoing, free-spirited modern California beautiful beach woman. Your sun-kissed-ness makes us very jealous. But sometimes it looks like the sun didn’t stop at a few tender kisses—it often looks as if the sun ravaged you on hot parking lot asphalt. Considering you’re selling your house for eight figures, I think you can afford to pay someone to look into this.
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Christina Aguilera

When you sang about being a genie that wanted a good rubbing, I promptly went out and bought some hip-huggers. When you got Dirrty, I put on some assless chaps and pierced my nose. But this … I’m sorry, but I cannot follow you to this dark place. It’s just wrong.
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Lindsay Lohan

The crime here is not that Lindsay has morphed from an adorable freckled redhead into a completely generic blonde, which is not exactly a great idea if you’re looking to, you know, stand out in Hollywood. It’s not even the fact that as a freckled redhead, her being this color is Just.Not.Right and pale would look So.Much.Better. No, the real crime is that LiLo thought she looked so good that she started her own line of self-tanning products. It should come as a surprise to no one that they have not exactly sold well.
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