The officials of Wisconsin Memorial Park cemetery in Brookfield, Wisconsin, have decided that it’s time to expand their business. With five chapels, a reception hall, and a kitchen, they’ve realized that their facilities are suitable for far more than funerals. In fact, they can’t imagine a better place to hold a baptism. Or Bar Mitzvah. Or for that matter, a wedding.
Already, several couples have tied the knot amongst Wisconsin Memorial Park’s headstones. One bride, who is employed at the cemetery, recently chose to exchange vows with her now-husband at her grandmother’s burial site, wearing the same dress that her grandmother wore on her own wedding day. Another bride, Cheryl Jesswein, placed her hand on her late-father’s mausoleum before walking down the aisle, considering the small gesture something akin to being given away.
Denise Westerfield, spokeswoman for Stewart Enterprises, Inc., which operates Wisconsin Memorial Park and about 360 other funeral homes across the country, explained to Milwaukee, Wisconsin’s Journal Sentinal that: “Funerals are becoming much more a celebration of life than a dark event, so why not have your wedding at a funeral home?”
We don’t know if we totally agree with Westerfield. As we see it, no matter how you slice it, funeral homes are still about death. But we certainly think there are worse places to get married. Much worse. Below, we’ve put together a list of just a few of them.
1. Prison. When your groom is wearing a bright orange jumpsuit, it’s hard to pick out just the right bridesmaid dresses or flowers. Add to that the fact that you will be on the other side of bullet-proof glass while exchanging your vows—where swapping rings, lighting a unity candle, and kissing the bride are pretty much impossible (not to mention consummating the marriage), and the difficulties of getting hitched behind bars far outweigh the benefits.
2. Las Vegas. There are a million reasons why this is a bad idea, and you already know all of them. But if you’re really and truly so drunk, sleep-deprived, or high on video blackjack that you can’t remember why it’s a bad idea to marry that hot cocktail waitress/stripper/third-grade crush you just reunited with on Facebook, allow us to give you a small, but terrifying reminder: Britney Spears.
3. Behind a Shotgun. Another reason to use contraception, people.
4. The Mall. Over 5000 couples have tied the knot in the nation’s largest shopping center, the Mall of America. But do you really want to be one of them? Sure, you can ride the roller coaster immediately after saying “I do,” and of course, all your guests will be able to pick up wedding presents for you right on the spot. But before you hop a plane to Minneapolis, remember this: No matter how classy you try to make your mall wedding event, no one will ever be able to forget the fact that you got married at a place that sells NASCAR garters alongside the bouquets.
5. On Television. So you’ve got a low IQ and want to be on television? There are other options. They are called the People’s Court. And Tyra Banks. And Cops. Check them out before trying to marry a millionaire or farmer or former NFL cheerleader on TV. For all our sakes.
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By Kristen Meinzer for YourTango