I have discovered that I have a semi-serious medical condition.
I am a fairly healthy post-menopausal woman and with the exception of the gawd awful night sweats, hot flashes and ever widening waist line, I think I’m in pretty good shape. But never in my wildest dreams did I expect to become afflicted with a rare and sports life-altering condition known as S.A.D.D. Sports attention deficit disorder.
Sadd but true.
These are the troubling symptoms I experience from March through September.
I lose the sports page and can’t figure out what I’ve done with it. I usually find it in the bird cage. I mark my calendar to watch a game on TV and then forget what it was I was planning to watch. Is Championship Bowling from Iowa on today? I start to watch a basketball game but get up in the middle of it and start washing the car.
I call my friend to ask her if she’s going to the Giants baseball game and forget why I called her. We decide to have lunch instead. I find it difficult to motivate myself to watch ESPN and keep clicking over to the NFL Network’s 2006 season replays. The NCAA basketball tournament has my SADD in over drive.
I think of myself as a worldly, well-rounded, person who loves watching sports for the entertainment value. So it is difficult for me to admit that I have found myself lying prone on the couch, mouth in slack jaw position with NCAA hoops flickering on the screen. I’m occasionally roused from my slumber in time to catch the last few seconds of play and frantically try to determine what happened and why. After all someone might just ask Femmefan a pertinent question about the final snore, oops, score, and I will lose all credibility if I don’t know who Greg Oden, Joakim Noah or Billy Donovan are.
Not only am I losing the battle with SADD during “March Madness,” but Holy Batman, now I have to try and stay awake and focused as Major League Baseball season starts. I don’t know how I’ll make it through until September with the hundreds of MLB games on the horizon. Okay roast me like a hot dog on a pit for my sacrilegious attitude but my gawd; I just can not get excited about a season that lasts longer than all of my sisters’ marriages put together.
Wake me when the World Series rolls around.
And then there’s the NBA, thankfully their season is already gearing down as they prepare for the playoffs. But, hey doesn’t it seem like almost every team in the NBA gets into the playoffs, or is that just me? I do know that Kobe “I’m Sorry” Bryant is on fire, but his team isn’t. I also know that the Dallas Mavericks and their owner Mark Cuban have been on a roll and he isn’t being fined a million dollars on a daily basis. But, aside from that, nada.
All I know is that when the NBA finals roll around, the local bar and I become intimate buddies. There’s no better place or way to enjoy hoops than hanging out at Sam’s Anchor Café in Tiburon on a glorious afternoon.
I can drink a nice cold beer, munch on pretzels and enjoy the beauty of the San Francisco Bay while keeping an eye on the game. That is the perfect way for me to maintain my sports credibility while effectively staving off SADD symptoms.
Yes it’s sadd. Sadd because I really do love sports. Sadd because watching a sporting event and the competition on the field of play is still the purest form of entertainment available. But, for me, the fast and furious pace of the NFL season with its do or die mentality suits me to a tee. The leisurely seasons most other sports enjoy are simply too much for this sports attention deficit disorder woman to handle.
Sadd isn’t it?