Spring training is upon us baseball fans and in the spirit of Ivette Ricco’s female perspective on football fans, I’m chiming in on the sport I love and the things I know would change if chicks ran the Major League Baseball:
We’d remind the Florida Marlins that this is baseball, there are no cheerleaders and if they want to attract fans field a team.
We’d give Keith, “I’m afraid of girls” Hernandez his walking papers.
We wouldn’t allow death threats of excited fans who reach out for the ball during a game or let those fans blame that poor soul, when the team and the manager acted defeated the rest of the game.
We would hire women for the important jobs in MLB, such as radio commentators, play-by-play announcers and umpires.
Low fat, healthful foods would replace fatty, barbecue garbage. There would be a chocolate store as well. For those high anxiety moments, we like a little chocolate, not beer. Well … not all of us gals.
We would not allow booing of the home team. Because it’s rude, honey. And not at all helpful to your guys.
The Pittsburgh Pirates would no longer wear those ridiculous uniforms that do nothing for their athletic bodies.
We would raise the pitcher’s mound. We understand the need for a little helpful height!
We would declare a Mary Garber day. The thought of seeing one of the first female baseball writer’s names on the baseball calendar would be sweet revenge on former MLB commish Bowie Kuhn. God bless him, but he was wrong.
During games we’d enforce to camera guys that shots of men in the crowd get equal time with chest shots of women.
Women would get in free at least one day a month through all of baseball. Hey, as Humphrey Bogart once said, “That’s baseball, and it’s my game. Pretty girls, lots of ‘em.”
The game would be nothing without us.