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I teach English in China. I know that the college students have a lot of homework in all of their other classes, so I try to make my homework assignments as easy for them as possible. I usually ask them to write one paragraph in English. You can imagine my surprise after the first time I gave this assignment and I received 65 letters in one week!


Letters like these:


Dear Sandi,
Perhaps this is the first letter to you in this term. First I must says that I’m very sorry to didn’t join in the next weekend’s English corner. About English corner. I’m very like. Because it developed my study’s skill and let me know how to living. Including healthy. and what is no should do or not and so on. I think, next time I must join it.


In some times, I feel I can’t speak something in English but in my heart I know how its say. I don’t know why is it? Can you give me some advice and method?


By the way, I have an English name. You can call it –Malinda. At last, on life, live on. I hope everything goes well and give my best wishes for your family.-Shi Fen Xia



Dear Sandi,


I’m very happy you can read my letter. If you interested in something about myself. I’m very glead to tell you myself.


Two years ago I came and studied in this college. And majored in English education because I’m interested in English and like the teacher very much. Besides that I thought English is very useful and with English I can find a good job. But today I found it very difficult to find a job. Too difficult.


Sandi, I don’t like to go back to my hometown. I want to find a good job with myself but you know it’s also very difficult.


But I’m young and I believe I’ll find a good position with my own. And I can use the advanced knowledge of English. It should be an ideal place for me.


Ok. Thank you very much Sandi. I’ll remember your smile, your voice and your heart forever.


Best wishes for you! Yours, Zhu Haijin


 


Now and then, I would get jokes and stories such as the following:

Fish Fancier
A man was admiring the tropical fish in the pet shop where I used to work. When I offered my assistance, he mentioned that his new wife was a fish fancier. After I showed him around, he shouted, “There she is! That’s the one I’ll take.” As I scooped out a large, sluggish goldfish with a gray splotch at the top of its head, the man exclaimed, “My bride will love this! She’s always wanted to know what my first wife looked like!”


Today I want to tell a joke to everyone:


Little Boy: “Daddy, I want to get married.”


Father: “Oh! Who did you have in mind


Little Boy: “Grandma.”


Father: “Wait a minute. You did not think I’d let you marry my mother, did you?”


Little Boy: “Why not? You married mine.”


Then the joke is finished. I wishes we could happy everyday.


 


Sale of a Puppy
A store owner wanted to sell his little puppies. A little boy saw the ad. He wanted to buy one. When he saw the five puppies running toward him, one was lagging considerably behind. He was excited and decided to buy that one. But the owner was surprised: “It would always be lame. If you like, I’ll give it to you for free.” The boy said, “I will pay the same money as for the other puppies.” At that time, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He softly replied, “Well, I don’t run well myself, and the puppy will need someone who understands it.”


School Lunch
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note. “Take only one. God is watching.” At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note. “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”


Why Did You Die So Early
One day a man knelt before a tombstone for a male, and cried out sadly! The man was in deep sorrow and endlessly wept and cried out, “Why did you die so early? Why did you die so early?


The man was in so deep sorrow, that the cemetery watchman sympathized with him, when he went through it. He asked him, “Is he your father or your brother?”


The man croaked, “Neither …” The man cried painfully and said, “He is the first husband of my wife …” croak … “Why did you die so early?”


Things Aren’t Always What They Seem
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the guest room Instead, the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor the old angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the old angel replied, “Things aren’t always what they seem.”

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep on their bed where they could have a good night’s rest. When the sun came up the next morning, the angels found the farmer and wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and accused the older angel: “How could you have let this happen? The first man has everything, yet you helped him; the second family has little but is willing to share everything, and yet you let the cow die.”


“Things aren’t always what they seem,” the older angel replied. “When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he couldn’t find it.”


“Then last night as we slept in the farmer’s bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren’t always what they seem.”




All I could say was, “Where did they find these things?”



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