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It’s a Guido! Our Baby Shower Gift Basket for Snooki

Or maybe a guidette; it’s too early to tell. But one thing’s for sure—Snooki now knows what smushing leads to. We here at DivineCaroline are really, truly happy for Ms. Polizzi and her babydaddy, and we are totally sure that they have achieved the requisite level of maturity, self-sacrifice, and introspection needed to be caring, competent, effective parents. We are totally sure that this signals a new chapter in Snooki’s life, one where she ceases her crotch-flashing antics in favor of quiet nights at home. Totally, completely sure.   What better way to say “Felicitazioni!” than with a big bundle of joyous baby shower gifts? Here are a few choice items that we think Snooks and her bambino will love.
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A Catchphrase Onesie
Baby High Heels
A Baby Bikini
Baby Bangs
Hair Product
A Pregnancy-Safe Tan
A Baby Leash
Something Leopard
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A Catchphrase Onesie

Until little Audriana or Antonio coins his or her own catchphrase, Baby will just have to make do with Uncle Situation’s. This onesie says, “Hey world, I’m pop culture-savvy, and also a bit of a slut.” (_$18.50, Cafepress.com)

Baby High Heels

A person can get away with any sort of monstrous parenting choice as long as it’s presented as a cultural tradition. “In Italian culture, all babies wear high heels. It’s just what we do.” (_$25, Heelarious.com)

A Baby Bikini

How’s a guidette gonna find herself a hot gorilla juicehead on the beach if she’s wearing a grandma swimsuit? Like, one that’s only one piece? Being less than a year old is no excuse for not looking sexy. (_$30, Babikini.com)

Baby Bangs

Can you even imagine a bald baby on the cover of Us Weekly? (Not to mention in her first mug shot?) Little Lucrezia or Mortadella will be rocking the best customized baby wig. Her limited neck strength can’t support a full-size pouf, but this is a place to start. (_$29.95, Baby-bangs.com)

Hair Product

Just in case it’s a boy. (_Smooth ’n Shine Polishing Gellation Styling Gel, $3.79, Drugstore.com)

A Pregnancy-Safe Tan

Among the many things that Snooki will be giving up for the next six months is tanning. Some studies link UV exposure to birth defects, and self-tanners contain chemicals that may not be safe. What to do? St. Tropez Dark Wash-Off Spray is completely temporary, so she can fake a deep guido-worthy tan at the club without subjecting her baby to harmful ingredients. (_$22.50, Sttropeztan.com)

A Baby Leash

Minors aren’t allowed in bars, so a mama who wants to get her drink on has no choice but to tether precious Stracciatella to a parking meter outside. Otherwise the precious little meatball could roll into traffic. (_Liberté Child Harness, $18.95, The-baby-boutique.com)

Something Leopard

Because come on, it’s Snooki. (_Baby Bella Maya Pink Leopard Infant Car Seat Cover, $75.99 at Amazon.com)

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