Sunday, June 8—Wake to find that vertical blinds will not move left to right. Buy new rail with coupon from Lowes. Determined to do it myself but find that forcing something into place overhead is not as easy as having a friend over six feet tall who can just reach up and pop it into place come over.
Tuesday, June 10—After work, go to Publix and find it somehow relaxing. Once I am in happy place, thinking of the food I will be eating, receive call from home. A neighbor’s kitty came by our driveway to say hello. My dog, Lola, friendly as ever, leapt onto the couch to wave a hearty hello to the kitty. Unfortunately, she waved a bit too enthusiastically and broke the window pane.
Use entire roll of Gorilla tape on window, piecing as much broken glass in as I can and simultaneously feeding the mosquitoes, who have apparently been suffering malnourishment prior to this.
Wednesday, June 11—Find a company to replace pane for half what I paid the last time Lola’s sociability broke such boundaries.
Later in the day, look in mirror for first time in ages. Consider calling glass people to fix mirror. I look like someone who has been going through a moving process for almost a month. I schedule a haircut for Saturday, life changing plan in mind.
Saturday, June 14—My forty-first birthday. My daughter comes into the room to wish me a happy birthday, then proceeds to tell me that the downstairs shower is backed up and the toilet won’t flush. I remind myself I have a life changing haircut scheduled later. Go through Servicemagic since it worked with glass people. Call a plumber who doesn’t charge OT and doesn’t cheat people. Good news is—line is cleaned out and I can do laundry. Bad news—possible break in sewer line. Hopeful, fingers crossed, sacrifice chicken under full moon, give up first born news—problem may be on the city’s side. Plumber arranges for city to come out Monday. I leave for life changing haircut.
Haircut is FABULOUS. BONUS—find jeans that actually LOOK GOOD ON ME.
Sunday, June 15—Instead of working on house, take daughter’s suggestion and go on bike ride to and on trail. It rains several times. Halfway down trail and away from civilization, discover both tires are flat. On return trip, one of daughter’s tires goes flat. Reach convenience store air pump on way back in time to go uphill the rest of the way home.
Later in the day, on driving to PetSmart, hear strange whapping noise near front tire followed by battery light coming on. On way home, call car-savvy friend to discuss. Begin to notice a smell which I ponder out loud on the phone. Hmm, I know this smell, it’s, it’s, sour, um, um, no, fishy, yeah, fishy, oh crap! I realize where I remember this smell from and look up in time to see my temperature gauge hit the roof. I pull over and wait for it to cool and friend to come by. Lifting hood, I look for issues. There is some type of car-blood spatter on the right, probably coolant. To the left it all looks ok much the way a surgically exposed human brain would look “ok” to me. I do note some tattered bits floating about, which turn out to be the remains of a belt, but not the expensive one (timing belt). This is merely a VERY IMPORTANT but OTHERWISE INEXPENSIVE part. Good. And another VERY IMPORTANT but OTHERWISE INEXPENSIVE belt is about to leap from its place and join its neighbor in grief. Just need to get it towed in the morning to repair shop which will cost me far more in labor than in parts. Manage to drive car home, for first time really talking to it, coaxing it not to overheat and praying that it isn’t going to hold my previous five year silence over my head at this time, “Oh, sure, you act like you care NOW!”
Tuesday, July 1—Sliding glass door refuses to grant access to or from backyard. It cannot be coaxed. Consider putting a kitty in the backyard and calling dog …
Thursday, July 3—Glass people come out and repair for half what I expected. Only a slight moment of panic when repairman brought out the mallet. Add invoice to growing Home Repair file.
Thursday, July 10—Run load of laundry. Toilet burbles as usual A stench comes much as if the bowels of hell had been emptied into the burbling toilet. Seems to be coming from shower as well. Call City—who, previously, after finding no problem on their end, had still advised me to call them if future problems occurred.
Friday, July 11—Speak with City who come and take pictures again but further down the pipe. The head of the group has a strong resemblance to the lead singer of Anthrax. Discover problem is mine and no amount of chanting or sacrificing of avian creatures on a full moon will change this. Backup is already in process due to root from neighbor’s tree growing into pipe. I do cartwheels. At least I recall spinning of some sort. Cost might be shared considering this is a townhouse. It doesn’t really matter as my neighbor likely has his own problems with root invasions, considering he passed away before I moved in.
Yes, it is truly the glamorous life I lead.
(Part 1) | Part 2
