New Lifetime Show Stars Jennifer Love Hewitt's Boobs
Jennifer Love Hewitt has a new show on Lifetime. It’s called The Client List and it's about hand jobs. Okay, it’s nominally about an east Texas masseuse and mother of two who has fallen on, er, difficult times and takes a gig at an upscale spa where certain “clients” get certain “privileges.” (Btw, all of the clients on the “list” are super-ripped because hundred-dollar bills are just that heavy, and also the town of Sugar Land is entirely populated by oilmen between the ages of 35 and 45.) After our heroine, Riley Parks, cycles through the requisite shock and indignation upon realizing what her job actually is, she ... arrives to accept the situation with enough airtime to spare that we can get right to the beefcakey montage scene. This is where Riley makes sizzly eyes at her clients and points her boobs cameraward as she coyly ... tilts her head to one side and rips sheet after sheet from a sequence of identical tanned, rippling abs. One guy even buys her a teddy to wear during the act. And suddenly those tip envelopes are full of money, which is also what happens at Lifetime whenever the producers hit upon a new way to do softcore with a built-in explanation for why there’s always a new guy. Plus, she helps the men open up about their relationship problems and be their better selves, so it’s basically Oprah, right? The Client List sheds new light on the sage wisdom in J.Lo Hew's 2010 book of dating advice, The Day I Shot Cupid. (By the way, Jennifer Love Hewitt wrote a book of dating advice. There is an entire chapter on “vagazzling” that is currently sweeping the DivineCaroline office.) And now we present the following exchange between Jennifer Love Hewitt, dating expert, and Riley Parks, ahem, life coach, inspired by our favorite one-liners from the book. Authoress JLH starts things off with an existential question about balls. Riley (at least as we imagine her) responds.