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No Oprah, No Cry: Six Things to Do Instead

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The last Favorite Things have been given out, the last book club selection has been plugged, and we’ve finally learned all there is to know about poop. Yes, Oprah is gone. Done. After twenty-five years, The Oprah Winfrey Show is over. She has left our mortal network television airwaves and ascended up to the heavens in a warm, intoxicating cocoon of pure, brilliant light.


Or maybe she’s just vacationing in Myrtle Beach; I don’t know.


But there’s a silver lining to these dark, rudderless days. All that time you spent watching Oprah? Those weekday afternoons between 4 and 5 p.m. (or whenever you fired up the DVR)? All those hours you spent listening to celebrities talk about being molested and hearing Dr. Oz talk about weight loss and seeing Nate Berkus decorate someone’s guest room? You get that time back. Yep, that’s five hours per week that you can now spend doing something else. Who hasn’t wished for extra time to ride a bike/take a nap/get a pedicure? We have some suggestions for how you can spend your days.  


1. Get in Shape
The number-one reason people claim they don’t exercise is because they don’t have time. Let me break it down for you—if you had time to watch Oprah, you have time to exercise. During that hour, take a quick jog and do some crunches, or ride a bike around town. If you’re not ready to leave the comforting glow of the television, get a workout DVD and break a sweat right in your living room. Five hours per week is more than enough to meet your CDC-recommended amount of exercise. It’s what Oprah would want!


1b. Get Your Pets in Shape
Being obese is just as bad for animals as it is for humans. While you’re exercising, bring them along.  


2. Call Your Mom
You no longer have the excuse that you’re “just too busy” to keep in touch with people. Call your mom, call your grandma, call your best friend, call anybody. Hit them up on AIM, or—better yet—actually visit them.


3. Tackle a Project
Don’t pretend like you haven’t stared at your messy cupboards or cluttered closets and sighed, “Oh, if only I had time to organize …” Well, now you do. Rearrange your Tupperware drawer, clean your fridge, dust your baseboards, organize your photo albums, whatever. Basically, do those silly little household projects that fall thismuch outside the realm of everyday cleaning and keep making you feel guilty for sitting undone. You will feel better for it.


4. Take a Nap
Obviously.


5. Have More Sex
Either use those extra hours to actually have sex, or use the hours to do the other stuff that always gets in the way of having sex, so that you can have sex later. It’s good for your relationship and good for you.


6. Find a Different Show
If you’re used to tuning in to Oprah as you fold the laundry or do the ironing or feed the baby, there are tons of shows that you can watch instead. Get Breaking Bad on Netflix and find out what the fuss is about. Maybe try Psych if there are kids in the house. Maury Povich can do wonders for making you feel better about your life.


Start scrapbooking! See a therapist! Volunteer! Write a blog! Work five extra hours! The world is your oyster, and you can do whatever you want—even if you’re just killing time until Oprah inevitably relaunches her show on her own network.

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