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Other Effective Ways Lindsay Lohan Can Promote 'Liz & Dick'

Disclaimer: We are not feeling one bit sorry for the producer of Liz & Dick, the new Lifetime television movie starring Lindsay Lohan. They hired her knowing that her personal drama would create more interest in their film. It’s what they banked on.   So when she refused to come to the set, got into a car accident on the way home from the set, refused to pay her bill at the Chateau Marmont and accused her mother of cocaine-fueled shenanigans, they were getting exactly what they bargained for. The latest drama is that Lindsay refused to do the probing Barbara Walters interview that she agreed to do so that the film would pay a $46,000 tab for cigarettes, candy, booze, and expensive nuts. Plus, her Today interview was ruined by a gaggle of screaming infants. (unrelated.)   But as per her contract, LiLo is required to make public appearances promoting the movie. She can’t appear on Saturday Night Live again. No club will pay a quince-rehabbed starlet to show up and do Jager bombs. What can she do? We have some ideas. 
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay enters into a sham marriage with recently divorced actor Danny DeVito. Although it’s not illegal, it’s definitely creepy, thus attracting the attention of the press. The couple, dubbed “De LiLo, will make their first public appearance on the Liz & Dick red carpet, overshadowing the film’s general crumminess.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay gets ten plastic surgery procedures at one time, modifying her face and body to permanently look like Elizabeth Taylor. The Lifetime executives sell the rights to the story to a tabloid, who will exclusively document the transformation, the subsequent regret, and the post-subsequent revision surgeries. At least one headline will read, “LILO’S CUSTOM TAYLOR-ING.”

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay drives her car through a street fair with the airdate of the film written in soap on her back windshield. Producers will hope that victims will see the ad before losing consciousness, and want to watch the film upon awakening from their comas.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay tattoos the film’s airdate on her index finger, and the next time she’s in court for a probation hearing, she will be required to hold her finger to her mouth in a cheeky manner, allowing photographers to capture it.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay and her mom stage another domestic violence incident, and in the 911 call, sure to be replayed on every television show and linked to on every blog, she will be required to mention Liz & Dick and the airdate at least twice.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay appears on an episode of A&E’s Intervention. In the “before she was messed up” montage, at least five close-ups of her in costume from Liz & Dick will appear.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay enters into a sham marriage with recently divorced actor Danny DeVito. Although it’s not illegal, it’s definitely creepy, thus attracting the attention of the press. The couple, dubbed “De LiLo, will make their first public appearance on the Liz & Dick red carpet, overshadowing the film’s general crumminess.

Lindsay Lohan

Building on Lindsay's known obsession with Marilyn Monroe, producers arrange for her to publicly announce a new obsession with Liz Taylor. She will introduce a new fragrance, cosmetics line, assortment of fashion wigs, and a range of self-tanners.

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