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Poll Shows Pet Owners Favor McCain

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An AP-Yahoo News poll revealed that pet owners favor McCain over Obama 42 percent to 37 percent, with dog owners particularly barking and lifting their legs at Obama, who, unlike the Republican candidate, does not own a pet.

Pet owners appear to feel more admiration for other pet owners, overlooking that George W. Bush shows more feeling for his dog, Barney, than he does for Americans without health care coverage or civil liberties, the returning war veterans along with those who didn’t return home. Pet owners, get your heads out of the wee wee pads and give more thought to your priorities.

McCain is also the favorite of white Americans over the age of sixty-five. It’s being theorized that we are more comfortable voting for people with whom we have something in common. Given this premise, we are likely to learn from future polls that McCain also fares better with:


  • Men married to plastic-looking heiresses with huge balances on their credit cards.
  • Surge supporters.
  • People who rely too heavily on teleprompters.
  • Type A personalities in need of anger management.

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