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Six New Holiday Drinking Games

Ah, the holidays. There's something about freezing your butt off while feral children run screaming through the mall and you listen to Jingle Bells for the 14,204th time that just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. Except that yuletide cheer you're feeling isn't actually from any kind of peace on earth or goodwill toward men but from the flask of brandy you've been nipping from all season. Now that it's November, it's time to engage in some time-honored holiday drinking games. Really, that's what this season is about, right? Here are six new ways to keep your spirits bright. Just remember to always drink responsibly!
  • Racist Relative Roulette

    One of the ties that bind all of us is that we all have at least one relative with a “Where’s the Birth Certificate?” bumper sticker. When you’re at Aunt Ethel’s, find your fellow black-sheep cousin and both of you keep a glass of egg nog handy. Pick an intolerant family member, and every time your horse makes a gross racial stereotype, take a swig. Bonus swigs for use of the word “oriental,” or speaking in faux-Ebonics.

  • Sad-Sack Christmas

    Gather a group of friends to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas. Every time Vince Guaraldi Trio’s “Christmastime is Here” plays, everyone take a drink. The first person to start weeping has to go out and buy the next bottle of Schnapps.

  • A Drunken Christmas Story

    Gather a group of friends to watch A Christmas Story. Every time someone says the phrase, “You’ll shoot your eye out,” or “Red Ryder BB Gun,” take a drink. And take a drink when the kid gets his tongue stuck to the pole, because why not?

  • Politically (In)Correct

    If you and a friend have time to browse around the mall or downtown, bring along a flask. Every time you hear someone say “Merry Christmas,” take a drink. Every time someone says “Happy Holidays,” your friend drinks. If you’d rather get quietly wasted at home, play by calling local businesses on the phone.

  • Get Card-ed

    Evenly and randomly divide the holiday cards you’ve received from distant relatives and acquaintances between at least two people. Take turns reading your cards aloud, and if your card includes photos of people wearing Christmas sweaters, creepy religious messages, or pictures of surly children, take a drink. Take an extra drink if your card includes a picture of a pet in a Christmas sweater.

    _Photo credit: Someecards.com

  • The Alphabet Game

    This classic drinking game is perfect for the holidays. The first person in the group starts by naming something Christmas- or Hanukah-related that starts with A, like “Away in a Manger.” The second repeats the first and then adds his own that starts with a B, like Blitzen. The third repeats the first two, and so on until everyone’s good and blitzened.

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