Spring has finally sprung and that inspires many traditions: bathing suit diets, Spring cleaning, and for those who can take advantage of it, Spring Break. While this usually means heading to warmer climates to party on a fake ID for most, we would like to suggest another kind of Spring Break: one where some of the celebrities most often in the headlines would just disappear for a while. You know, so we can miss them.
Check out our top picks of who we would like to temporarily banish to Exile Island—with sunscreen, of course.
We would like to stop trying to keep up with, cover or otherwise hear about The Kardashians. We suggest sending them to an ashram somewhere where no one can hear them for a while.
Lindsay Lohan, if you would keep your private life private, people would stop trying to “invade your privacy.” Maybe a time out is in order? Samantha Ronson, we suggest a time out for you as well but on a different island. You two need a break.
Jennifer Aniston, we beseech you. The divorce from Brad Pitt happened in 2005. Four years later and even America’s Sweetheart can wear you out by talking about the same tragedy over and over again. The pity party has to stop.
Chris Brown and Rihanna
We would love to send Chris Brown and Rihanna both away for a while but we know this is impossible with the court case coming up. Let us just say that we would like for the back and forth to be over. Rihanna, move on to men who will treat you like the fabulous woman you are. Chris, sort it out.
LeAnn Rimes, we’re pretty sure that the rumors of cheating with your co-star, Eddie Cibrian, were a well-planted publicity stunt to get ratings for your Lifetime movie. Now that it has aired, can we all move along now? Thanks.
Robert Pattinson, we’re sure that in theory it would make the Internet explode for you to and your Twilight series co-star, Kristen Stewart, to become a real-life couple. However, she has a boyfriend. What would be really interesting is for you to date another celebrity so shocking the Internet would explode, like Kate Hudson.
Speaking of Kate Hudson, it sounds like you need to take a dip in Lake You for a while. Bouncing from guy to guy and rebounding from ex to ex is giving us motion sickness. Take some time on the bench to figure out what you really want out of a relationship and come back when you’ve figured it out.
A note to the Jonas Brothers: you need to learn how to be in a relationship for longer than a few months. This pattern screams “commitment issues.” We’re wondering if you’re just bad boyfriends. (Yes, we’re looking at you, Joe “Speed Dumping” Jonas.)
Paris Hilton, you might have actually found someone who is as big of a red carpet tragedy as you are in Doug Reinhardt. We hope the two of you will be very happy together somewhere far away from where the media or press will know anything about it.
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By Kristin Booker of YourTango