Tales From the Kitty
As Told By: Eclipse
My cat takes himself way too seriously. You can just tell by the way he walks, or the way he looks down with disdain upon you when you get down on the floor and try to play with him. He is the ultimate stereotype for uppity cats. But what the heck, I love him just the same. And lately at my house, there have been some odd happenings taking place. Out of nowhere, paper and pencils have been disappearing from my writing box. I have no idea where they went. Well, had no idea. I was recently cleaning Eclipse’s bed, when something caught my eye. It looked like it was just a pad of paper. Eclipse has a knack for stealing things, so I was like “so this is where everything went!” But then I realized there was writing on the papers! After months of translating, and going to specialists, I have finally decoded Eclipse’s writing. And this is what I found … (Try reading this out loud with an uppity British voice, because that’s how I picture him if he talked).
“Today I had the most marvelous time! I had nothing important to do, so I just stayed in my bed for the morning, listening to the radio She had so kindly put on for me! Most of the music was nice, until this odd lady came on in a digitalized voice singing about Poker Faces. It was extremely disconcerting, so I had to leave.
I walked out of my kitty window into the front yard, and I simply enjoyed the breeze. But then, something horrendous happened! This huge beast with a long tail and tongue hanging out down to nearly the ground came hurtling over towards me! I threatened him with my most menacing screech, but thanks to my kitty vocals, it sounded more like a frightened yelp. When I saw that this would not deter him, as he was coming closer, I assumed my “big” pose. This time he growled and bared his teeth. Uh-oh. I hissed at him once more and skittered up a nearby tree. Thank God for my instincts, for I was able to narrowly escape becoming kibble. I continued taunting the beast, by putting my tail down, wiggling it, and snapping it up again. I enjoyed watching the dumb animal jump for it. Hahaha. He sat there for at least fifteen minutes, at least until my human came and shooed him off. Ah, she takes such good care of me. I’m glad I chose her.
She carried me inside and rubbed behind my ears in the way I instructed. When I was tired, I walked off and found some delicious looking food just waiting there on the counter for me. It was a simple jump, and in order to eat it I had to knock it down. Human wasn’t very pleased with me, but that was her problem. It turned out to be some sort of peanut butter tasting thing, and after a few bites my hunger was sated. It was a shame to just leave it there, but I was sure to come back to it in due time.
I then made my way into Her room, and made myself comfortable. It is on rare occasion that she leaves the door open, so I was happy. My fluffy bed is nice, but nothing compares to Egyptian Cotton comforters. I had curled myself into a little ball, when another atrocity happened. There, staring right back at me, on another bed, was a cat! He was right in front of me laying down on the bed as if he owned the place! As if! I would have to show him who was boss. He had apparently sensed my presence as well, for he jumped up at the same time I did and squinted his eyes at me, looking at me directly. Any self-respecting cat knows that is an obvious threat. I hoped to have the advantage of surprise as I bounded and ran straight at him. But unfortunately, he had the same idea. I paused right in front of him, judging him up. He seemed of decent size, but he had some funny looking ears. My ears were better. And he was black. He stood up high and mighty, obviously trying to make me back off. Okay, that’s it! It’s one thing to come in here without any territory markings, but to blatantly try and scare me off is too much! Bring it on! I ran straight at him, only to be rebounded by some odd force-field. Ouch. But I couldn’t let him know that, so I stood up straight again to let him know I wasn’t hurt. I knew that I probably wouldn’t get him this time. I would have to just hope he went away. I walked away, my ego slightly bruised, when I turned around and saw that he was doing the same. Yes! It wouldn’t have to be me surrendering, it would just be a peace treaty. I curled up on my bed, and he curled up on his. I hope that we will both be at this peaceful state for a while now. Because I know I won’t be attacking him, him (and his force-field) are tough.
So I just lied there until nighttime, and I went for a drink of milk before bed. I went into my fluffy bed and was about to sleep, when I remembered to write! I hardly ever have time to write anymore. That’s because I have to be more careful about it, Human is starting to get suspicious about the missing supplies. “
Hmm. So that’s what Eclipse thinks of his little world. Interesting …