What is with young Hollywood these days? I haven’t seen such bored looking faces since, well, the Grammys. You’d think it was Bingo night at the local Y, but in fact it was the Teen Choice Awards aka the hottest party of the year for that rare breed of celebrity: kids who are too young to be train-wrecks.
Instead of enjoying the culmination of success from every movie, album, or TV show they’ve ever been a part of, the majority of the audience was simply unimpressed. The best part of the night was Miley Cyrus’s energetic performance of her summer party anthem Party in the U.S.A., but even this didn’t come without controversy; apparently a sixteen year old girl isn’t supposed to wear shorts and stand on top of a fake ice cream cart. It’s probably best that she save attire and behavior like that for when she’s sixty-five or whenever it is that her critics deem it “appropriate.”
Britney Spears’ comeback is undeniable and, as a huge fan from day one, I couldn’t be happier that she proved the world wrong. That said, her robotic acceptance speech for the Ultimate Choice award left the crowd even more subdued (if possible). She couldn’t even acknowledge Miley who gave her a warm and awestruck introduction. Britney’s people must have programmed her for a fifteen second speech; no more, no less. “Oh my Gosh y’all, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.” Heartfelt.
The cast of Twilight dominated the show with eleven wins, but Robert Pattinson clearly didn’t care. He was kept separate from his costars on the red carpet, completely encircled by his personal entourage. Does he think that modesty and humbleness will have the same catastrophic effects that direct sunlight would have on his vampire counterpart? Maybe it was his moody and grungy demeanor that contributed to sucking the life out of the broadcast. Either way-lighten up, dude.
She may be talented and hard-working, but it’s necessary to mention the quintessential blasé superstar: thespian wunderkind Abigail Breslin. Every single interview, red-carpet event, or award show that she has bothered to grace is adorned with shrugs, eye-rolling, forced smiles, and sarcastic remarks. Maybe it was endearing during her Little Miss Sunshine days? No. That kind of attitude is never endearing. As an Oscar-nominated actress she could attempt to act interested and/or excited to participate in the perks of fame.
The Jonas Brothers hosted the event and besides a few “Dare the Jonas Bros” segments they were (thankfully) allotted limited on-air time despite a couple of predictably off-key performances. There are absolutely no words left to express the atrocity that was the moment Mike Tyson chopped off Joe Jonas’ hair. Let’s leave it at that.