1. Trade exfoliating tips and film reviews with the one chirpy flight attendant.
2. Sneak up to First Class like you’re TMZ and annoy the celebrities.
3. Explore creative new uses for the cocktail peanut—think outside the skin.
4. Analyze caloric, trans fat and rodent content of the strange meat served for dinner.
5. Stress over taxes on tanning bed sales, eco-terrorism, and toe fungus ‘til you’re in an awful stew—and have forgotten entirely that the plane you’re on may actually crash into the ocean/mountain/river/swamp in a New York minute.
6. Play “solitaire” on your laptop until you slip into a debilitating coma.
7. Write a love letter to your dog and apologize for not bringing him on the trip—so what if he’s a Saint Bernard with Attention Deficit Disorder and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, he’s so cute and you miss him more than any boyfriend or husband you’ve ever had.
8. Take off your spandex tights and play with your toes: “This little piggy went to Cabo, this little piggy had lunch in Paris, this little piggy drank green apple martinis and danced the night away in Dubai …”
9. Down that super size, industrial strength cold medicine you’ve been saving for a “special” quiet time.
10. Take cell phone pictures of the revolting bathroom so you can report it to the Department of Health, the FAA, the FBI and Sandra Brown.