The following recipe might help you get into the spirit of the holiday.
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit (dried cranberries or raisins)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans?
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)
Sample Cuervo to check balance of acidity and sugar. Prepare large bowl for mixing ingredients. Check Cuervo again for quality. Pour 4 ounces into measuring cup and drink.
Turn on electric mixer. Beat one cup of the butter in a large bowl. Add one teaspoon sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still good. Try another cup, just in case. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break two eggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in the cup of dried fruit, picking the frigging fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat. Put the stove in the dishwasher.