Q: Where are you from?
A: I was born in Fort Worth, Texas. I was raised in Clute, Texas., but I now live in Conroe, Texas. I’m a citizen of the world.
Q: What is your occupation?
A: Officially, I’m a retired chef. I’ve explored many avenues in life, done many things in different fields, but cooking is what I was born into … ’tis my life’s profession.
Q: What is the best thing about working in New York?
A: Well darlin’, though I’ve never worked in New York, I’ve visited and you have grand establishments to choose from. The diverse foods to experiment with is the best thing.
Q: If you could, what would you change about the city?
A: Not a damn thing. New York is the Mecca of the United States.
Q: What was the strangest thing that happened to you while commuting or traveling?
A: I’ve traveled your [New York] subway and being the jovial sort that I am, I once joined in a group sing with some young people, contributing my deep baritone attributes. I must admit, we sounded pretty damn good. The rest of the souls riding the Midnight Express thought it was cool … an old fart wailing away with a bunch of teenagers.
Q: Have you ever had a train, plane, bus—love or crush episode?
A: I once nailed a stewardess in the Jets privy many, many moons ago. I guess I’m an official Charter Mile High Club member.
Author now notes to herself how jealous she is of Mark’s experience and how his answer is pure hotness (first time response to this question in my interviewing experience, finally). At this point, she (author) starts to visualize her much anticipated debut as a member of the coveted Mile High Club. The lascivious scenario would have her engaging in one the most salacious and succulent sex sessions of her life with the highly skilled, scorchingly handsome Pilot with hands that just … won’t … quit … oh … oh, OH! There we are, in Superman’s compartment with the door locked, in the throws of unadulterated passion … surrounded by autopilot, sky, and gadgets while our naked sweat drenched bodies are rhythmically intertwined in perfect harmony. Conveniently, the co-pilot is occupied having dinner with one of the flight attendants in the main cabin and, and … breathe, there you go, get a hold of yourself Lis … breathe … shoo … oh no … what if my Parents read this? Breathe … they have been so supportive of my creative work, what will they think? Breathe … inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth … keep breathing … I wonder what the going rate for erotica writers is these days? Breathe and stop that Lis! Breathe … shoo … mom, mom would be cool with it eventually. Yeah, in fact, I think she would secretly be proud of her baby daughter … did I mention the pilot is a polymath? Breathe … do you know how rare it is to find a rocket man with all the qualities listed above? Breathe…shoo…but Dad, Dad on the other hand … no, god no, nah … I don’t think he would approve … though, he’s always been a world traveler, so maybe he could possibly understand the whole aerodynamic significance and all … um, who am I kidding? NO! Okay chica, just chill and stop talking schizo … breathe … keep breathing, cool yourself off girl … there you go … shoo … ahh. And now ladies and gentlemen, without further interruption, back to the interview.
Q: If you could commit a crime and not get caught, what would it be?
A: Assassinate all the world’s dictators, drug lords, and all-around pure evil men. I could live with that … ’tis my nature.
Q: Is your mom a good cook or fabfriggintastic?
A: My mama was a great cook; she trained me. She was in the business forty-plus years.
Q: Black, brown, red, or blonde?
A: Well darlin’, I’ve dabbled in all and enjoyed each colors taste of honey. Each flavor is grand with her own little idiosyncrasies … and that makes for a wild, delightful time. Hell, I love ‘em all, babe!
Q: Are you a leg, breast/chest or ass man/woman?
A: Gams are fine if they’re on time. Breasts are great if they’re not late. But, if baby got back, I’m all in the sack … you dig?
Q: Men—boxers, briefs, boxer briefs or commando? Women—bikini, thong, hipster, booty/boy shorts, granny panties or commando?
A: I wear mid-length briefs and boxers. As for women, whatever they wear is fine by me. Hell, who am I kiddin’ I’m a typical guy. If a woman shakes it, me likey!
Q: Chocolate or vanilla?
A: Chocolate, vanilla, Chocolate/Vanilla Twist. Throw in some Strawberry, I’m a Neapolitan junkie!
Q: Favorite dessert?
A: Deep-dish Dutch Apple Pie … without a doubt.
Q: Do you take vitamin supplements?
A: Centrum Silver for Men over Fifty. Yeah, I know … I’m old.
Q: If you could have a dinner date with anyone dead or alive who would it be?
A: Albert Einstein. It would be an experience of a lifetime for me, to be able to converse in an intellectual debate with him, one on one. I think if we had the chance to put our heads together, we could end all war, cure the ills of the world, and party hearty.
Q: Favorite music video?
A: What’s a music video? Just kiddin’. The Beastie Boys, “Fight for Your Right to Party.”
Q: Favorite music instrument to play or would like to play?
A: I played Trumpet for twelve years. Back in the ‘70s in stage band. We were into fusion jazz before it was so named.
Q: Biggest pet peeve?
A: Being interrupted while I have the floor. When I’m discussing a vital subject, laying down the ground work and someone butts in, I swear to God, I could backhand ‘em and feel no guilt … the dumb asses.
Q: Biggest turn on?
A: Well, when a woman is seducing you in public by sucking on a piece of fruit from her drink while gently stroking your hand and playing footsey with you under the table, the whole damn time … check, please!
Q: What is the last question you would like me to ask you? Or you can ask me one question?
A: You can ask me: Who are you? … I’m a man who’s attempting to discover the reason for it all. I’ll let you take it from there.
Besides Mark Roddey’s search for all reasoning, this extraordinary lad can cook! Mark generously contributes his salacious and succulent (uh-oh, I used those words again … breathe) recipes along with his insightful articles here on Divine Caroline. Please check them out! Now, I’m off to take a shower!