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What His Halloween Costume Says About Him

  • Ollie Ostrich

    It takes a lot of dedication to wear a costume as intricate and unwieldy as this, which is why we say that a man who suits up as Ollie Ostrich for Halloween might just be husband material. Plus, you can tell a lot about a man by the way he rides his ostrich—if you know what I mean.
  • The Bun Maker

    If he’s a new dad, this is a cute and funny costume—and maybe you shouldn’t be hitting on him because he might have a wife or girlfriend at home (or with him at the party). If he’s not a new dad, then this costume does not bode well for his eligibility. Not only because he’s awkwardly advertising his desire/ability to impregnate women indiscriminately (not a trait we look for in a boyfriend) but also because, at least in this photo, he seems to have a penchant for patting passers-by on the derriere with his left hand. The verdict: steer clear of Mr. Bun Maker.
  • Sheet Ghost

    This classic costume indicates that its wearer is extremely low-maintenance, which can be a plus depending on your modus operandi, but it’s likely that he just ruined his only pair of sheets. Something to consider if he invites you over. _Photo source: "Casey David":
  • Beer Man

    The man who, out of all the costumes in the world, opts to wear one called “Beer Man” is two things: drunk and drunker. On the plus side, he’ll likely take his sworn duty to keep you hydrated throughout the duration of the party very seriously—if he can still stand up.
  • Taco Man

    The man who dons a giant taco costume is a provider through and through; you can count on him to help you put food on the table. Mostly tacos.
  • The Killer from Scream

    Putting aside for a moment the fact that he chose to dress as a serial killer and whatever dubious traits this reveals about his personality, let’s acknowledge the fact that this guy probably hasn’t been to the movies since sometime between 1996 and 2000, when Scream was a still thing people talked about. Social skills might be lacking here.
  • Shaggy from Scooby Doo

    Sure we all love Scooby Doo, but the fact that this guy spent $34.99 to look like a stoner might be red flag–worthy. Zoinks! Shaggy here clearly needs a few lessons in money management.
  • Charlie Sheen

    Anyone who still finds excessive use of the word “winning” to be hilarious clearly has problems letting go (in this case, it’s of played-out cultural references). This could be a problem if things don’t work out with you two down the line. The wearer of this costume also gets points deducted for having a stale sense of humor. Had he chosen to use his imagination and dress up as one of Mr. Sheen’s mythical high-priest Vatican assassin warlocks, we’d feel differently.
  • Jack Sparrow

    Guys who dress up as pirates—in particular Jack Sparrow—are not doing so to demonstrate their wit, cultural savvy, or imagination; they doing so in the hopes that fair maidens far and wide swoon over their swashbuckling prowess, or that, at the very least, some of Johnny Depp’s sex appeal will rub off on them. It’s the male equivalent of the “sexy kitten/French maid/everything else” costume. It’s not such a bad thing, as long as he doesn’t overdo it with the booty jokes.
  • Santa Claus

    If you’re looking for a stocking full of mind games, you’ve come to the right place. That’s exactly what you’ll get with a guy who dresses up as Santa on Halloween. Weird, diabolical, holiday-switching mind games.


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