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Cell Phone = Self Phone

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“Never judge a book by its cover.”


Ah, one of life’s great lessons on valuing inner beauty. Of course, I never prescribe to this darling little axiom – I prefer to judge things purely based on superficial means. In fact, I make no apologies for my shallowness; these little snap judgments and heuristic cues are quite helpful. For example, if you sit down at a restaurant and they plop down a basket of what looks/tastes like Wonder Bread, RUN. Bad bread means bad rest of the meal. Also, just looking at a person’s business card can say a lot about their work ethic and level of professionalism. I mean, Comic Sans? Are you kidding, Senior Director of Development?


Lately though, the greatest “cover” indicator has been the cell phone. I’ve ended many potentially horrific first dates based on the phone that a guy whips out to get my number. Blackberry = work obsessed, possible drug user. iPhone = high maintenance, waning heterosexuality. Nokia users tend to be obsessive compulsives and any guy who carries his phone on a belt clip should be avoided at all costs. Mobile carrier Sprint has apparently already caught wind of this phenomenon with the website mycellstyle.com, where a quick quiz can match you with your cell phone equivalent and even offers compatible applications and ringtones. If you’re curious, I’m “Runway Ready” which means I carry a hot pink phone (guilty as charged) and I “set high standards for myself, and I expect no less from the rest of the world.” Um, so true! Why can’t my boyfriend understand that about me? Maybe because he’s a “Trail Blazer?”


As we progress farther into the age of My Cell Phone, My Self, I predict the cell phone will become the newest way for people to define themselves. Just as a Mercedes denotes elitism and the new LV handbag screams “I’m so hideous only ridiculously shallow trend whores will concede to my $52,500 price tag” (yes, I’m talking to you Beyoncé), your cell phone will soon be broadcasting your morality/net worth/social consciousness/thoughts on global warming/etc. Frankly, I’m excited by this prospect, simply because I can’t wait to call my annoying neighbor a “Samsung.”

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