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The Number

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After forty-six years of trying my body on for size, I have finally arrived at my Size of Reason. This is the size that best fits me. This is the size that makes me feel powerful, capable, and ready for anything. It also allows me to wear some of the clothes that have been hanging in my closet, teasing me with their colors, textures, and style.

The life that these clothes promise is really no different than the one I have now.  They just expand my reach in the world. And I have a lot to reach for. I’ve got messages to share that go unheard as long as my size remains beyond reason. For many years, I fought that truism and dug in demanding that people disregard the messenger and hear the message. More often than not, I would succeed in delivering my message because the ideas were so big, everything else paled in comparison. (And it might be due to the fact that I’ve been described as f*cking charming, lol.) 

However, I wasn’t reaching the money men. (Don’t kid yourself, men have the money.)  As we have seen with Sarah Palin, packaging trumps content when it comes to fully valuing women. Thus began my intellectual quest for my size of reason. Not so big that I couldn’t move easily through the world and not so small so that had to use all my energy to stay there. (I visited that too-small world twenty-five years ago when I dealt with anorexia-bulimia and it literally consumes you.)

So, what’s my number? Twelve, which, coincidentally, is the number of fulfillment in numerology.

I am a bit larger than a twelve now, but I will never be smaller than a twelve again. At that size, my reason is intact. I have the strength of mind, body, and spirit I need to make the greatest impact with the largest audience. I am not concerned about what people think of me and know that my story is told in my words and actions. More importantly, it is a number that is sustainable. And that’s what I need for the next fifty years of (r)evolution!

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