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An Open Letter to the Muffin-Top

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Dear Perpetrators of Muffin-Tops,


This is not a style. It is not a statement. Nor is it a fact of life. It is an error in judgment, perhaps. Or a blatant refusal to accept size and shape for what they are. But it is definitely, not in a million years and 7,000 ridiculous fashion trends … cute. And because I spend inordinate amounts of time doing things like Downward Dog poses, mini-triathlons, and the P90X Ab Ripper thing-y (worst sixteen minutes of my life), I can say this without feeling like an asshole.


Stacy and Clinton get paid the big bucks on TLC’s What Not to Wear preaching this shit all the time. I don’t want that salary to go to waste … I mean, hell, I’m on here talking about it for free! Someone pay me for this stuff, please!


Anyways—pardon my digression. What I’m saying is this: Every woman, regardless of shape or size, deserves to look good. Owes it to herself to feel good about how she looks (no matter how you define it, so don’t leave stupid comments about organic cotton or soy on here). You can find jeans that flatter and tops that don’t make it look like you just ate a pound of pasta and are now carrying a second trimester food baby—just look around and be open to new styles! And for the love of god—try it on before you buy it! Size varies with style and designer!


Spring is upon us girls; time for short, swingy-dressed, and frothy, sleeveless blouses. Let the abs hibernate—they will love you for it! And so will I!


Note: I’m not as ignorant as this post might make me appear, but I’m honest and I learned some of these lessons the hard way too—so screw off if you don’t like hearing me talk about it! I earned it! 

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