How to Dress for the End of the World
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Drop-Crotch Harem Pants
Stay with me, here. In the apocalypse, you want to wear something stretchy and comfortable, that you can easily run and crouch in. Plus, why not indulge in a trend that you’d never get to wear otherwise? Have some fun with this! #YOLO
This is not the time for sexy panties. You will want something sturdy, something utilitarian. Something you could turn into a tourniquet if you really, really had to.
Hanes briefs, $8.99
Gold Knuckle Knife
You know what’s more useful than a pair of brass knuckles? Brass knuckles that also have a folding knife. Also, brass knuckles are so hot right now.
Gold knuckle knife, $22.99
A Sturdy Anorak
Obviously, your outerwear will be an anorak. It’s waterproof, it has tons of pockets to carry extra bullets and protein bars, and it has a hood. If you don’t already have one, don’t worry … once civil order breaks down, you can just loot one from the nearest department store.
Hooded anorak, $179
A Good Carryall
You’ll need something to carry squirrel carcasses, bottles of water, random pieces of fruit and cans of beans you find in abandoned mini-marts, etc. Plus the fresh teal shade is so unexpected!
These will discourage people from hiding underneath cars to slash your Achilles tendon. And if you get in fights with the zombies, you can do more damage.
Jeffrey Campbell boots, $240
A Lovely Locket
If you’re ever in a pinch, you could convince some trader that it’s precious to you and that you simply cannot accept less than a week’s worth of food for it. Until you need it for bartering, you can store poison inside. (For you or others.)
Locket necklace, $49.99
A Super-Warm Sweater
I know, it’d be a lot more comfortable if the world ended in more temperate weather. But you don’t want to have the flu on top of everything else, do you? Stay warm.
Missoni open-knit sweater, $439.25
The fact that it’s the end of the world is no excuse to forget about UV damage. Stay protected, and if you encounter a roving band of feral jungle-people, your smooth skin might make them believe you’re their queen.
An Extra Piece of Stabbing Equipment
Really, we can’t stress the importance of weaponry enough. Everything you wear should have some sort of secondary potential as an instrument of death. Even a stupid hippie headband.
Spiked headband, $17.59