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The Most Ridiculous Looks from the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

You know what's sexier than chestless unitards, a corset with bicycle handlebars attached to it, and wings made to resemble plants? Well, just about anything normal humans wear. Nonetheless, Victoria's Secret paraded its Angels out in absolute atrocious "sexy-time outfits" in last night's annual fashion show. You'll be able to watch the whole circus-like affair when it airs on television later this holiday season, perfectly timed for when you're too bloated from pie and turkey to imagine strapping yourself into bustiers that resemble woodland creatures. It will temporarily make you think you should diet and exercise so you can also look like a sexy version of a lily pad or roulette wheel. Pay no mind--that is just the peppermint schnapps and tryptophan talking.  Let's feast our eyes on some of the ridiculous outfits from last night's fashion show and remind ourselves why a nice camisole or negligee generally does the trick. 
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Or a Christmas ornament.
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's secret fashion show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
I don't even know where to begin with his one.
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
The ice queen showed up.
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Here's one of the tamer looks. This says: "I'm low-maintenace." Also, "I'm hungry."

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Each year, the show is loosely held together by hard-to-discern themes. I'm guessing one of this year's themes was "sexy gardening."

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Another theme was perhaps "sexy Victorians."

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Even though it's not really the point, I always imagine trying to seduce someone in the get-ups that Victoria's Secret sends down the runway. I hear guys are really into trees.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Birdcages too. Clearly this is an astute comment on Marilyn Frye's feminist paper, "The Systemic Birdcage of Sexism."

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Rihanna performed and wore one of the few items you might be able to buy in a Victoria's Secret store.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

If you want to please your man, try resembling a teething toy designed for toddlers.

Or a Christmas ornament.

Or a Christmas ornament.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

If you can't get fireworks in the bedroom, at least try to look like one.

Victoria's secret fashion show

…Or a Spanish Conquistador. It's important to mix it up in the bedroom.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

If that doesn't get him going, pull out the wings.

I don't even know where to begin with his one.

I don’t even know where to begin with his one.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Here's one of the tamer looks. This says: "I'm low-maintenace." Also, "I'm hungry."

The ice queen showed up.

The ice queen showed up.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Try accessorizing your nightgown with a sweatshirt. This is something I would actually do.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Look no further! This is the perfect ensemble for the New Year's Beauty Pageant you have planned.

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