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Seven Backhanded Presents You Shouldn’t Give

There’s nothing worse than opening a gift only to find it’s not really a gift at all, but rather a tip-off that you need to improve something about yourself. In the spirit of the holidays, put the self-help books back on the shelves, leave the anti-aging cream where you found it, and forget all other passive-aggressive presents that subtly insult your beloved upon opening. Or if you’re in a bah-humbug-type mood, click on to see backhanded gifts that subtly insult your recipient.
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Spanx
"Cooking for Dummies"
Match.com Subscription
Weight Loss Accessories
Self-Help Books
Certificate to a Tanning Salon
A Dictionary
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Spanx

Nothing says, “You look fat in your clothes,” like a giant Lycra bodysuit. Guys, if you’re looking to end your relationship, but just can’t bring yourself to do it, here’s your ticket to singledom.

"Cooking for Dummies"

Just because someone may not know a balloon whisk from a balloon animal, doesn’t mean he deserves finding Cooking for Dummies under the Christmas tree. It’s one thing to gift the chef in your family a gourmet cookbook, but for someone who reaches for the takeout menus more often than the stove, this book will only gather dust.

Match.com Subscription

If you give someone a subscription to a dating website, you might as well be handing them a card reading, “Season’s Greetings! In case you didn’t remember, you’re single during the holidays!”

Weight Loss Accessories

No matter how much someone might want or need to tone up, there is no way to give fitness gifts without at least potentially reinforcing someone’s insecurities. Even if a person whines about how their batwings wave back when they wave goodbye, gifting gym accessories probably will produce more pain than gain.

Self-Help Books

It doesn’t matter if The Secret led you to a personal path of discovery. If you give someone a self-help book, it’s going to scream, “Get your shit together.”

Certificate to a Tanning Salon

It’s winter and people are at their palest, but urging someone to ditch their Ghost-of-Christmas Past-look for a more Jersey Shore cast-esque hue will not win you points. It’s December and our skin has been hiding under layers upon layers of down material. Give us a break!

A Dictionary

What better way to tell someone that their vocabulary is comparable to that of a five-year-old than to give them a giant list of every word ever created? Let’s get real—nobody is going to snuggle up with hot cocoa and a copy of Merriam-Webster. You’d be better off just telling the person point blank that you think they could stand to brush up on their three-syllable-plus words.

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What We’d Give Our Fave Tabloid Train Wrecks
Snappy Comebacks to Ten Inappropriate Questions

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