Abuse

Tierney, Hi my name is Amanda and I understand where you are coming from. I am getting ready to turn 23 on June 16th and have been physically, emotionally, and sexually abused since I was born. It have effected my life dramatically. When I was 18 I was sexually molested by my mom's husband and she refused to do anything about it. To this day I still hold a grudge against everyone who has ever hurt me. Just a month ago on April 13th. of '08 my brother hit me and fractured my chest wall. I am so used to sleeping on my stomach at night but can't for 6-8 months. The last time my brother hit me was about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I called the cops on him and they did absolutly nothing which made me mad. I want to wish you luck for the near future and hope you have a better relationship.

HE MADE A FOOL OF YOU You made a vow to love; he made a vow for false advertisement Yours were made of honor and devotion and his full of deceit and cruelty. Who cares about your girlfriend what you did with her will always be talked about and how you created a stir. People aren’t that stupid and only time will tell if I go to heaven and you go straight to hell. When you’re violated it’s only then you understand how it kills a huge part of you and you know you can’t always immediately phone the police. You know you died twice when you realized there’s no one you can tell. Frustration takes over when the reality is that there isn’t any one person who can fix what has been taken. The feeling of being sick never goes away when you think about how many people, who claimed to be your friend suddenly disappears, and the ones that don't you can’t say a word about it to them. Let's not forget the ones that did it with him. It's a darkness that cannot be told to anyone ever, because you know there’s nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel whole again. There is no one responsible to make you feel whole again, only you. Every minute of every hour of every day you feel more alone than you ever thought possible. It never gets better, hindsight eats away at you until you really have to second guess your life, and the blood in your veins suddenly feels excruciating pain. How do you forgive yourself for being so dumb, MUTE? Your life was a lie and your life is wasted, it meant nothing the pain won’t go away. Now your no longer mute, your emotions, senses, and vitals organs are beyond heightened you think of a new way he made a fool of you everyday and how stupid you were to it, why did you take it, why did you go along with it? Why did he do that? Why doesn’t he feel remorse? He crushed a human being forever, I’m not just commodity. You feel defeated because you are already dead inside. You think to yourself I have nothing else to lose After all I deserved it – I was / am married to him. I would love to change or interject some type of law or ruling that no man or woman can simply cut a spouse or children off and then have to fight to survive before a judge can make a decisions months later. I was cut off of all money and I hadn’t worked even a dead end job in over a year. I contributed my inheritance to our marriage. Of 18 years. I feel it should be mandatory all things should remain intact even if they choose to separate and then let the judge decided. The way it is now our children and me are so scared, distracted, hurt and make it twice as hard to get through each day. Please, I just want a judge to say no person should be cut off until it is decided by the courts my story alone would make you want to find my husband and lock him up. Please help me, I can’t let what is happening to my children and I go. Its men and women who struggle to survive on their own with children under much extreme circumstance and for some reason we minimize them. My point is no one should have to feel violated, humiliated, betrayed and left out like a dog for 50/ 50 chance of survival. Three children, being dedicated only to find abruptly I/we have nothing, my life halted, like it never existed. Feeling used and abused. Holiday after holiday we sit alone with nothing, we’ve been homeless, hungry and all the while he is happy, healthy and warm. He literally cut us off, kicked us out and moved on with all his pay. He isn’t willing to help us at all. Why would someone want to see people suffer? How is it legal he can do this? I think about all the people who say they started over with nothing and came out on top or what goes around comes around. But, my children don’t have that kind of time and you are my only hope and first step to trying. Cinderella had it easy going from poor to rich, try going from well off to nothing!

Tierney Lynn, oddly enough I've found that abusive relationships are very simular to addictions, once we stop the maddness and we've found ourself living the good life, the past haunts us in our dreams, Two years after not smoking I still dreamed of cigarettes, the same with alcohol & drugs, but more surprising my relationship with my ex-husband that ended in 1978, I lost my only daughter to his abuse, but today even though I'm in a healthy relationship, his face still haunts my dreams, the dreams about using drugs or alcohol, I thought was Gods way of reminding me of what life use to be for me, what I lost in life by my choices without HIM ( God ) in my life, and I still feel that way, if I hadn't turned to Him, I would more then likely still be living in the repeating cycle of good intentions with the wrong kind of people "men" in my life! I thank God everytime I have one of those kind of dreams, for reminding me that I'm making the right choices and living the good life, oh and by the way the past never goes away, however it sounds like to me that if you and your new or rather your long time friend/boyfriend are talking about the hurt from your past, then maybe soon it will be just that " the past "

I've been there and I am there! I was in an abusive relationship like yours also. The first couple months were great then reality hit and I found out the other side to him. I made it almost a year, but it would have definately been longer but my parents literally dragged me away from him I "loved" him so much and we lived together and till this day it haunts me. I am now seeing a new man too, I have known him and been friends for 12 years and he is so amazing. I still struggle with my nightmares, my "flashbacks", my "side affects" that sometimes come from nowhere it seems all I need is one little thing to remind me and I'm back in that house again in my mind. I've told my new guy about my past [actually wrote him a letter and explained it because I was embarassed] but yet I still can't shake my ex. I've turned to God it's all I know right now that could help. I don't want to keep closing myself off and "punishing" someone who is so perfect because of my bad choice. Just recently he brought it to my attention that I am emotionally shut down and it kills me to think that my ex still has that control on my life. I am staying positive though and praying and believing that this can work its way out of my mind so I can live again---and so can you. We can't let our exes steel our happiness....we made it out now we just have to make it through....and WE WILL!!! Keep faith and stay strong and thank you so much for your words. GOD BLESS YOU!

Hi Tierney, WOW! Brings back lots of memories for me just reading your post. I too have chosen men that are abusive because myself having been abused. I do not have a clear view or recognize a man that is good, kind, supportive & loving. You asked about how to move on and this has been my method because I loved them all with all my heart and just couldn't understand why they wouldn't see me as being so good for them. This is what I have done for myself that has worked very well. 1st of all, forgive yourself. 2nd forgive your ex. 3rd love yourself. 4th send love to your ex every time you think of them. 5th let go & just breathe. 6th relax. 7th trust yourself. I am so proud of you for getting out. You are a true survivor and are no longer a victim. I really appreciate your writing & sharing your life. Thank you so much!

This new guy C, sounds like he's a keeper. If he's been your friend for 11years then chances are he's ready to support you through whatever you need. Use him as a support system, tell him how you are feeling. I'm happy to know that you got yourself out of the abusive relationship, you are a smart women. I'm so sorry you had to deal with it for so long. I wish you all the best in your healing process. Keep seeking out what's best for you. Find healthy outlets, like writing or reading and keep good people and ones who love you close.

Hi, my name is Alan Strong, i am a Doctor of Psychology, specialising in Transformational Change Psychology. I have developed a psychological technique which i have called Visual Kinaesthetics, which i combine with Hypnosis to remove the negative and debilitating emotions of past events, this works especially well with cases of abuse, rape, sexual abuse, events that lead to eating disorders etc etc, the list is endless, but it works. I am currently putting it all in to book format, but in the meantime if you would like to know more, or if i can be of any help to you or anyone else, please just contact me. Have a look at my website at www.dralanstrong.co.uk