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And Then There Were Two ...

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My daughter is almost nine. My son is almost twelve. I still feel like I’m twenty. I swear some days I look around and wonder who in the world thought it was a good idea to bless me with children. As my son likes to say, I think it was all a “devious plot.”

My children are exactly like me, and for those of you who think that it should make things easy, let me assure you that it very much does not.


I have a sense a humor, a gigantic, easily tickled sense of humor which proves to be both inappropriate at times and often the only thing saving me from bursting into tears of frustration.


I am stubborn to a big huge San Andreas fault. I do not see why whoever disagrees with me can not understand how right I am. I mean, just submit to my will already. SUBMIT!


And both of my beautiful and insanely brilliant and talented children have inherited these two lovely qualities … along with the ability to create a tornadolike mess simply by entering a room.


Which leads us to this: My son is entering puberty, with all the various smells, noises, and mood swings that accompany such an event. It is a major undertaking each day to get him to understand that not only must he bathe every day whether he needs it or not, but that he also must use soap. I know, I know … I am really strict and unreasonable.


This, if you ask him, is a major affront to his personal freedoms and liberties. And because he is so smart he gives examples of how I am grievously injuring his personal welfare.


Let me share:


“Mom, Abraham Lincoln was responsible for revolutionizing human rights by abolishing slavery and he only took baths once a week and still got elected president.”


“Mom, I don’t need a shower … your nose is just overly sensitive because of your estrogen. It’s a biological fact … google it.”


“Mom, if you read cleaning tips you will see that hot water cleans most surfaces just as effectively as most soaps and cleaners … do you want me to poison myself with chemicals?”


“Mom, I DO NOT NEED TO BE SANTIZED! I’LL DIE.”


So after I threaten him to lather up or I will do it for … and I’m sorry son but you certainly do not have anything I haven’t seen before.


I sit down and laugh because he certainly is just like me.


I think my favorite thing this week is when he was making fun of my daughter for being infatuated with Justin Bieber and he said, “ Come on, Cameron, he hasn’t gone through puberty yet … who knows what he’s gonna sound like?!”


I choked on my drink.



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