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Birth Stories from Hundreds of Heads

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It seems everyone has something to say about the birth of their child—and everyone’s birth experience is completely unique. Some labor and delivery tales border on the bizarre to the sublime. “Headhunters” from Hundreds of Heads Books interviewed literally hundreds of couples, narrowing down the top stories published in “Birth: A Very Special Delivery” chapter found in the hilarious book: How to Survive Your Baby’s First Year: By Hundreds of Happy Moms and Dads Who Did and Some Things to Avoid, From a Few Who Barely Made It (© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, LLC, $11.01). The publisher kindly agreed to share some stories with DivineCaroline. I hope they inspire you to share your own story!


 


Timing Is Everything:


  •  “My wife’s contractions began around midnight. At two in the morning, we called our midwife for guidance and she told us to wait until the contractions were one to two minutes apart. We timed the contractions with a stopwatch all night, but it wasn’t consistent. They would get close together, then spread out again. At eight o’clock we called the doctor’s office, and the nurse said the same thing—contractions should be one to two minutes apart. By eleven a.m., my wife had been in labor for nearly 12 hours, so we decided to go to the hospital. I was loading the car when my wife waddled out. She tried to get in the car, and physically could not do it. She realized the baby was coming right then and there. She stood up, lowered her pants, and gave birth to our child in the driveway! One push and he came right out. I ran around the side of the car and the first words my child heard were ‘Holy shit!’ A neighbor called 911, and the paramedics and an ambulance arrived and mother and baby were whisked off to the hospital.” —Brian Ft. Myers, Florida

  • “We were traveling across country from Vermont to California when I went into labor in Utah—two months early. And to make matters worse, we were driving along I-70 where there are signs lining the highway that say ‘no services,’ ‘no rest stops,’ and ‘no exits.’ I delivered him at a truck stop along the interstate. Under ‘place of birth,’ my son’s birth certificate says “Mile Marker 140, I-70E!” —C.C. San Francisco, California

  • “My Daughter Was Born Nine Weeks Early and I was completely ill-prepared because there were no signs indicating I would have a pre-term baby. In fact, I had ignored the chapters in my baby books that dealt with premature babies. You think it won’t happen to you, so you skip those sections. Don’t!” —Suzanne Willin Woodacre, California


  Lessons Learned in Hindsight:


  •  “Make Sure Your Car Works! When my wife went into labor, we had a one-hour drive to the hospital. Along the way, I kept noticing my car lights getting dimmer and dimmer until finally, the alternator went out and the car died. At two a.m. I had my pregnant wife in the driver’s seat while I pushed our car uphill to the Denny’s parking lot so I could call my mom to pick us up. We nearly named our first child Denny because of that experience.” —John Cooke Greeley, Colorado

  • “My Wife Had Two Emergency C-Sections. It was so stressful because I had to choose between following the baby or staying with my wife while they finished the surgery. I chose the baby both times because that’s what my wife wanted, but I really wish that we’d had a friend or family member with us to stay with her.” —Jerry B. New York, New York

  • “Make Sure That Whatever You Eat during labor is yummy (jello, juice, banana) because that’s what you’re going to taste if you throw up, which I did repeatedly with both kids. Not pretty advice, but I pass it on (unsolicited, of course) to all my pregnant friends.” —D.K. Foster City, California


 


What Husbands Aught Not to Do:


  •  “Hint To Husbands Whose Wives Are in Labor: Don’t stand around talking to the nurses about sports while your wife has contractions.” —Cathy K. Kirkland, Washington

  • “My husband had the gall to complain that he didn’t have time to finish the Coke that the nurses had given him the delivery room because the labor happened so fast.” —Gretchen Roberts Palo Alto, California

  • “My husband passed around chocolates while I was in labor. The nurses loved him but completely ignored me!” —Leslie Merrick, New York



A Man’s Place:


  •  “Your Role In The Delivery Room is to get ice chips and rub her back (at least, until the epidural is in.) And whatever you do, please don’t take anything said by the mother-to-be during labor personally.” —Keith Regan Grafton, Massachusetts

  • “Direct All Your Attention To Your Wife in the delivery room. Breathe deep and look at her reassuringly in the eyes—no matter how much you want to pass out at the sight of all that blood.” —Russ Cox Portland, Maine








 


 

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