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A Big Move

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As I am about to leave my young son and husband in Boston for a job in California, I have mixed feelings—-I am sad to miss the things I have grown to love about my son- waking up on the weekends to him jumping on our bed, watching him dance to music in his silly, no holds-barred way, reading books with him in bed, and seeing him get so ridiculously happy about the smallest things. But at the same time, I freely admit I like having an identity which comes with having a job. And will try to enjoy all my newly found free time —usually filled with errands, packing lunches, doing laundry,etc—- time, which now will be just plain empty. I have grand plans, of course, for all of this free time. Maybe I will start meditating, maybe I will finally start a regular yoga practice, maybe I will read the entire Sunday paper. Or maybe I will just do nothing- it could go either way.

The last 3 years have been an emotional roller coaster for our family, including myself- a 38 year old woman struggling to find my place in life, my husband, Tom- a 39 year old who is trying his best to support a family of three while renovating a house, and Kaden, our 3 1/2 year old son who seems to roll with most of it, including living in a hotel for 4 months as an infant while we waited for our house to be ready. None of our obstacles have been insurmountable by any means, and there are people out there who struggle daily with much much more than we do, and that is all the more reason I am thankful to just have a job, even thought it is 3000 miles away.

As for our family, I don’t think we would ever fit the mold of a regular family anyway—even if we both held down jobs in the same state (something we have struggled with for the last 3 years). We are always going to be the ones showing up late for things, our son (and probably ourselves) slightly disheveled, and we just can’t seem to get out of our pajamas before 11 on Sundays. But I realize now that is just the way we are, and the sooner we embrace it and stop trying to be like other families, the better. As I get older, I realize what makes me happy and what doesn’t, and I need to completely dismiss what other people think they know about me, and my happiness, as I know now that no one, absolutely no one, can really truly know another person’s situation. I feel like the last 3 years of being judged by others has taken its toll—I am ready to leave all that behind, shake it off, and start fresh- with myself, husband and son, and see where that takes us. Who knows??

All I do know right now- 4 days before I am to leave, is that this whole thing will absolutely make me appreciate my son, husband, and home all that much more, and what can be bad about that? Sure, there will be crying and sad times, but right now all I can focus on is the positive, and ignore everyone’s looks and opinions about “what I am doing to my son” and move ahead with what I have committed to, and that is leaving my life here in Boston for a very very very different one in Los Angeles. Wish me luck……..

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