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Confusion in the Workplace

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In life most of the time things happen to us that are just totally out of our control. We are not always sure as to why a work place experience has such a profound impact, verses other social experiences in life. It is a true saying that states, “Life experiences are our best teacher.” I can certainly tell any one that professional development as well as personal development defiantly takes shape during work place experiences. I can assure you that all work place environments are not the same. Higher Education is extremely stressful at times and there is hardly any time for all year round workers who are contracted 12 months. Vacations, workshops, retreats sometimes help to boost the moral of workers, but not in all cases. The most undesirable experience in the work place for most men and women is casual workplace acquaints. Sometimes, we find a comfort zone in laughing and talking and really feeling comfortable within the work place, but if not careful that can become a problem. The most serious hurt during my work place experience was the encounter with a professional male who serves the college campus as upper administrative management. Friendliness, and warm gestures are normal to individuals who have worked with each other for over 18-35 years.

Therefore hugs, and compliments are necessary to encourage excitement, and encourage moral. During some course of events of my life, a professional male that felt the need to give me compliments pertaining to my job performance, and student connections approached me with very kind gestures. He politely asked for a hug, and to my surprise I did willingly allow him to hug me. Nonetheless, the hug turned into a welcoming kind of attraction on both parts. We begin to share words, which in turn became a problem and a rather long drawn out confusing mess! Emotional issues in the workplace have to be resolved honestly by both parties involved. Of course, therapy, counseling and other various approaches certainly will help eliminate problems within human behavior, which causes us to act in ways that are irresponsible and down right unprofessional. We both were guilty of exchanging personal telephone numbers, and trying to keep things secretly between us, but of course that became an impossible issue because I am too free with sharing (talking too much). Although we both were tempted, things were pretty much controlled, and made clear that our behavior is unacceptable and out of order from my spouse (husband) and his wife.

The physical attraction became a problem, and it could have been due to both he and I experiencing some underline issues in our marriage or just personal inward struggles or issues that lead to the emotional attachment. I on the other hand felt a sense of comfort communicating with him by email. I communicated things that troubled me in the work place, my marriage or just personal battles, doctoral work or sometimes-even accomplishments, and he never stopped me from doing that. He actually welcomed the communication, but of course sometimes my words would come across confusing or sometimes just too straightforward, and just too strange. The point of the issue is, we both are married, he 20 years to his second wife, and I 16 years to my husband, which is my first marriage. Sometimes, if we are not careful honest and true we can indeed commit infidelity with non-sexual connection. I have heard of emotional affairs, and I think this experience was my first affair or physical or emotional attachment to another man outside of my marriage.

Nonetheless, he finally got enough of courage, to send me a URGENT message, and of course it probably was what I wanted him to do, because when I tried to stop emailing, I found it difficult to stop on my own. However, when I received the message, I was glad to reply with, “I shall refrain from emailing you, and I honor your request and value your words forgive me for my unprofessional email in the past.” I really feel forgiven, by him and my husband. The one excellent thing about this learning experience was my ability to openly talk with my spouse, and he really supported me through the process until my change came. My husband did in fact contact the man and told him to “leave me alone.” I should have honored my husband’s words and stopped the email a long time ago, perhaps at the start, but I did not. Emotional attachments are not that easy to end, plus any way I was confused as to rather or not I started the problem or rather the connection was good or bad, plus there was so much going on until I sometimes felt he was God sent. I can honestly say, that I did keep the issue going for much too long, we/I actually vented by email for 41/2 years (2003-2006), until his recent URGENT note, August 2007. I wonder what took him so long to say STOP? I believe that I have learned a valuable lesson from all of this, and I hope to continue to grow in the work place!  The level of care, became confusing to me, and plus I was torn between my husbands perception of the man, and my own personal perception and encounters. I really did not receive my husband’s perception of him because my initial connection with him was so genuine and so real for me. It was impossible for me to see the forest from the trees, because I made him to be some great one, or some great thing. Too me, it was like a night in shinning amour coming to rescue the princess in distress. However, I was in distress, and the initial connection just felt so right.

Reality was always in view, but then sometimes miss guided emotions and twisted lies would send me right back to the computer emailing all over again. Well, I am now ready to let go of the experience and move on to better things, with the hope of not getting caught up with any other man in the work place. I am grateful that my husband prayed for me, and loved me despite my shortcoming. However, I doubt he would be that forgiving if the connection resulted in sex. Nonetheless, I am glad it did not and to my amazement I will soon be working in another work place still in education, and I sincerely will remember this lesson, so that I do not repeat it again. I did not like the emotions I felt behind the connection, the confusion, doubt, fear, shame, quilt, and just a lot of mixed emotions along with sleepless nights. It was such a fearful thing to watch this man lie, and pretend that the whole experience never happened, and that all of it was my fault. However, he has done this sort of thing for years, so his behavior is acceptable and to my understanding it’s normal. Nonetheless, my time will soon end, and I will exit this place of learning with more educational accomplishments and good sound professional training. The confusion is almost over, but I am exiting with a good name, good character, and better sound judgment and good decision making skills.



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