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Financial Loss and Depression: Confessions of Mom Entrepreneur, Part Two

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What if the wisest financial decision means going back to nothing? What if you worked really hard to build something great, or if you’re running on the daily treadmill to keep up with everything, and suddenly you look up and realize, you’re on a treadmill. You’ve been running in place. There is no destination, and what seemed close is farther away than ever.


Oh, that’s depressing. But wait. The minute I say “depressing,” I start thinking, “What makes depressing?” If our life is flowing when we feel great, what is happening when we’re sad and exhausted all the time? Especially if we’re not used to living our lives sad and exhausted? Something is in the way, something is slowing our flow—cash flow, joy flow, creativity flow—and it’s time to look into the exhaustion and make some new choices.


Choosing and Losing
Sometimes it’s those very choices—and our resisting of them—that drag us down. What if the wisest financial decision means going back to nothing? What if the little houses you added to your personal real estate venture, year by year, as your real estate endeavor grew promising, now stand on the threshold of someone else’s fortune? Or the bank’s, more specifically. What if I lose it all? Do I keep running on the treadmill trying to keep them in place? Do I surrender and re-focus? How could I have missed the opportunity to sell?


These are my questions, my venture, my depression, which I’m in the middle of upending and turning into an object lesson. I thought I was always so in balance, totally engaged in what I do best: organizing cash flow, and keeping an eye on the financial future. But while I was doing it swimmingly for others, I was apparently forgetting my own! The result of forgetting my own: impending loss, exhaustion, depression … and then … introspection, curiosity, and discovery.


Life Flow, Cash Flow
What is depression but a block of life’s flow, in this case, quite literally, cash flow? What’s blocking me? My embarrassment, my loss, and my adherence to the way it has been. What’s freeing the block? This very introspection and curiosity. It’s time to create out of a new place. If the old isn’t working anymore, start a new way. For me that new way feels very different. I’m taking my driven nature and practicing being softer. Instead of speaking, I’m taking a breath. Instead of acting, I’m taking a step back. Instead of doing, I’m taking a pause, and hoping I’ll learn how to create out of this new place.


So I get to a new place. What if the wisest financial decision means going back to nothing? That’s what recreating is all about. That’s what facing depression is all about: remaking decisions. Having the courage to make the hard decisions, financial and otherwise. I have a friend who says writers block happens because something in the story you’re writing is no longer true. So you have to go back, find where it’s false, and rewrite it. Then the block will clear. The flow will go. And you’ll feel all there is to feel. Joy flow, cash flow, creativity flow. What part of your financial story do you need to rewrite to get your flow going?


Originally published on Green Sherpa

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