Sixth, please help me to be the kind soul I know I can be when given the opportunity. Perhaps you can recall when I put myself out by taking up a collection for the music teacher. How ungrateful she proved to be! All after I inspired the staff to give so generously towards her cause by relating the details of her true troubles. I haven’t been too shoddy about coming to work on time either, excluding the car incidents. Unless you count the time I was a bit late; marital duties can call at the oddest times, I must say. I think it was so unfair of that nit-picking boss of mine to make such an issue out of forty minutes. The kids sat in the hall very quietly; she didn’t even know they were there. But this just goes to proves what I have always said when dealing with fellow humans—people are so funny!
Seventh, can you please make that knot headed coach stop groping me with his eyes? I hate taking my kids to PE. He’s everywhere! It’s not just a complaint common to me. He fawns over the cooks, custodians, any woman that crosses his path. Isn’t there a code for coaches? One that states, “Thy shalt not look cock eyed at women that passeth by thee!” If not a code, then maybe there’s a bolt of lightening with his name on it? Even the little boys in class have taken to copying the way he ogles females.
I know, Father, in my humbleness I have asked for a grocery list of things this new school year, but I felt it was important to cleanse my thinking before you. If there has been any erring on my part, it has been brought on by confusion in others. While I await your answer, I will continue to humbly strive to be an example to all who cross my path each day.
Your Faithful Servant,
Liza Bluebell Wintergrass
By the way, Father, could you arrange it in your schedule to send me a good man? I don’t want one who drinks. I hate the smell of alcohol! If he drinks, he’ll steal. If he likes those sports programs, he’d be wrong for me, too. I leave it in your hands; you know what’s best for me! Oh, please don’t send one who likes to visit his mama every Sunday. That’s my day of rest too. I’ll allow you to choose for me, Father. There must be many men out there who would treasure a tender spirit such as is possessed by me.
Part 1 | Part 2