Perfectionism ... Good or Bad?

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Well, I failed today … which is really hard for me to accept. I am a perfectionist, especially when it comes to school. I had a return demonstration today for my nursing skills class and I had to demonstrate female catheterization. I failed it. It’s hard for me to even say those words but now that I’ve said them, it’s resounding in my head … YOU FAILED, YOU BIG FAILURE! The truth is, I’m not a failure, I’m an overachiever/perfectionist when it comes to my grades and school, always have been, except for art which I suck at and don’t really care about. Anyway, I contaminated my sterile field when I picked up my kit the wrong way. DAMMIT! Other than that, I did everything correctly! I am so irritated … well, not so much now, just bummed because I thought I knew what I was doing. My instructor did say that I had beautiful technique and that I seemed to know what I was doing but that I didn’t realize that I had contaminated my sterile field. Now if I had realized that, I would have passed, but I didn’t so … here I have to repeat this skill and I’m really annoyed. I wasn’t the only one who failed, several other students did, too, but still, it sucks. So, I am going to go eat a huge amount of Italian food at The Olive Garden and have some white chocolate cheesecake to ease my sorrows. But still, I failed …

So, I went back and re-read this because I thought I had hit a wrong button and deleted it and was delighted to find that I didn’t. I had a point with this which I will now try to make. I wonder, why do I put so much into one little thing. This is not something that will keep me from graduating from nursing school or getting my nursing license, so, why does it bother me so much. I think the point here is that somehow, I have to learn to let things go! If only I could figure that out then things would be so much easier for me … but I am high strung. I want to be mellow but I really don’t know how. Any suggestions?


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