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Spam I Am

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Lately, the spam in my inbox has overtaken my life.

Every morning I wake up to at least 110 emails and all but two of these are spam.

You should see some of the stuff I get:

  • No more time cards! (like I used those to begin with…Helllllooooo? I punch my own fricking clock)
  • Payday too far? Get up to 1500 now! (This could be beneficial, but I just think there may be a little catch there).
  • Check Out the Hottest Cars! (Like I could give a crap about cars . . . sorry guys. As long as mine works and gives me seat warmers on cold days, I’m good with it).
  • Exciting New Treatment for Thinning Hair! (Wow, they got me on the WRONG list! I should be GIVING hair away….)
  • Reduce Fine Lines and Wrinkles (Intrigued, maybe. Got me to open it? NO).
  • There’s Been A Change to Your Credit Score. (I can’t tell you how many of these I get. I even unsubscribe and STILL get them….bastards).
  • Male Enhancement Pill (Psssst . . . I’m a girl, take note at my email address).
  • Meet Beautiful, Russian Adoring Women TODAY! (Really? First of all, I’m not all into the Russian women – they have armpit hair and have mustaches. Don’t forget the Baboushka’s. Secondly, I’m married. My husband would find out about my infidelity and kill the Russian girl and then me. I will try to pierce his chest cavity with my new knife set I purchase from my son, but I doubt that will stop his .22 caliber handgun bullet from entering my heart and exiting thru my back). Check it out on the late night news……
  • iPad’s for Under $20! (Ok. If you believe this – you’re an idiot. And, apparently some people do believe this because there had to be a news article posted in the New York Times to tell people not to believe it).


This is just a sampling. So, I did a little research on why I get so much spam. Since my email is out there a lot, spammers will harvest my email and send it to other spammers, kind of like trout who spawn upstream . . . but the spammers don’t die. From my source it states, “Yahoo and Hotmail are the most widely used accounts, so they are targeted by spammers far more often than other mail addresses. (Yahoo actually gets far less spam than Hotmail!) GMail and AOL get less because they lack the same popularity.”

That’s interesting. I have neither. I then checked my email account thru my host provider to check the settings to see how high my anti-spam alert was and it was on “high,” as high as it could go.
So, I’m stuck deleting spam forever . . . and ever.

Why is it called Spam? According to answers.com, those who love Monty Python will love this explanation: “The history of calling inappropriate postings in great numbers ‘Spam’ is from a Monty Python skit where a couple go into a restaurant, and the wife tries to get something other than Spam. In the background are a bunch of Vikings that sing the praises of Spam. Pretty soon the only thing you can hear in the skit is the word ‘Spam’. That same idea would happen to the Internet if large scale inappropriate postings were allowed. You couldn’t pick the real postings out from the Spam.” Spam is useless, therefore it is called spam.”

I’ve never tasted Spam. It doesn’t look appealing even from the picture on the can. And, you can’t trick me into thinking it’s actually a ham with those little cloves on top and that criss cross decoration with the parsley on the side . . . ain’t buyin’ it,  nosireeeee . . .

But here is what it’s made of. And, apparently it’s pretty popular because almost four cans of Spam are eaten every second in the United States. Maybe I’m missing something, but from the ingredients, I’m gonna bet I’m not.
And, one last little tidbit of information for those who like to send out e-newsletters to your vast audience. If you don’t want your e-newsletter going into a “spam” pile in a person’s inbox, there are a few words you should leave out of your subject header . . . just a few:

  • As seen on
  • Buy
  • Order
  • clearance
  • Meet Singles
  • Score with Babes
  • Home based
  • Income from home
  • home employment
  • online degree
  • Affordable
  • Best price
  • cheap
  • Collect
  • Credit
  • Earn
  • Investment
  • Price
  • quote
  • Avoid Bankruptcy
  • Lower your mortgage rate
  • Remove
  • Satisfaction
  • Success
  • Lifetime
  • Solution
  • Avoid
  • Freedom
  • Miracle
  • Problem


Wait, there’s more:

  • Click
  • click below
  • click here
  • Sale
  • Subscribe
  • Visit Our website
  • Cures Baldness (sorry Howie)
  • Viagra (Sorry Donald Trump)
  • Xanax
  • Join Millions of Americans
  • Be a Member
  • Giving Away
  • No gimmick
  • No Obligation
  • No Purchase Necessary
  • Free ANYTHING


There’s much, MUCH more. So, if you want to send out an E-Newsletter that requires a compelling subject header in order to get someone to open it simply put:

WTF?”

That’s NOT on the list, I triple checked it.
 

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