I hate when i feel like writing but not exactly what about. I hate when i feel like im feeling stuff but its unidentifiable. These two feelings dont exactly make one a productive writer of any kind.
I really envy those that can sit and write. And write, and write. Those that can pull it out anytime.
Sometimes i actually want to be a writer,but i find myself very discouraged when these feelings happen to me. It`s a really big bummer. It screams at me "NO! what are you thinking?? your NOT a writer,never will be. Give it up". I hate those screams. Undeniably they are torture to ones soul and hard to not listen to when you cant help bu hear them.
I tried to gain control once by taking an online journaling class.I rather enjoyed it. At least the first 1/2. Then as usual my slacker self came out and it was over. Well, not completely as i did finish and take the ending test. But the skimming and barely doing the work did not leave me feeling anything but dry. Like a slacker. A lazy slacker. YET…
I still have a burning desire deep inside to write.
Sometimes im sure the world holds me back. The millions upon millions of people who cover the earth. Sure of their most certain wrath, i cannot always write what i want for fear of that very wrath. YES i am codependent. NO, im not proud of it . Just very honest. To a fault at times.
So….if i could remove mankind from the earth and feel free to write every damn emotion,feeling,life experience,make up stories and the lke…wow what a few zillion books,poems and articles i could write!! Oh wait, i would still be acountable to my ownself. I would tell me "no,no, dont write that. Thats irrelevant. It has no meaning. When you go back and try to read it you wont like it. Or maybe no longer agree with it". Im my own worst critic as i suppose most of us are.
What to do? Just do it? Retake my journaling class? Dish out $100 in the hope i will complete it this time like a real trouper would? cry? wish,hope and dream? Hmmm. Only time will tell. But here, this was a start. Lets see what transpires form here. Right here.
Yes, lets wait it out. Let that feeling come. Lord knows i live on feelings. Good or bad i live on feelings. If i dont feel it i dont do it. If i feel it i do it. And if my inner critic says yes, well now,lets not stand around doing nothing. LETS GO!!
