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Country Fun – City Boy in the Country

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Last year we moved to the country and it was exhausting. Finally, we are somewhat settled and I am adjusting to the surroundings. Not really.


I have begun to be very observant. You have seen the signs along the road, next to the fields of whatever it is that is growing out there. Well, I have a very curious mind and of course I wanted to know what those signs are. I asked one of the farmers and he told me that it is use to describe the seed type used in that field.


Well, they all know I am from LA, (I think they put it in the local newspaper), so everybody in the county knows. I bought the explanation hook, line, and sinker. What do I know? They could tell me anything and I would think it was legit.


But then I got to thinking, these farmers are pretty competitive. If they have a really good crop they don’t want the guy down the way knowing how he did it, right? And if it is a really bad crop they wouldn’t want everybody to know that they were not so smart a farmer, right? So I figured that there is more to this than meets the eye. So a bit of thought had to go into this.


So I thought and I thought and I even did a little whittling. Thought and whittle, whittle and thought. Then I saw something that made me stop in my tracks.


So what is this? Well I went back to the same farmer and asked and he said that this was a test field and they were trying different seeds to see which one is best. OK LA boy. I’m a bit skeptical. You see I fell for that first explanation and so I wasn’t going to fall for this. So I got out and I looked and I look at all of the different rows of whatever that is out there growing.


There really was no difference…I mean they all had these little pod things on them (for you non- farmer types these are beans) not pork and beans, but soy beans. Anyway, they didn’t have apples or pears on them. And I didn’t see a single pineapple. I think that they are playing a little joke on me. I needed to do a bit more study. Of course I thought it might be a little bit of pay back for a little joke I pulled on one of them.


There were some wild flowers growing along the little road to our house and one of my wife’s cousins asked me what kind of flowers they were … and I told them they were “Sidearoadus,” (Side of Road Us, for you non-botanical types) … flowers along the “Side of the Road.” Well they went around and told all their friends that we had these rare flowers never before seen in Indiana, and they were “Sidearoadus.” Now it took a couple of weeks for that to spread around the county until somebody explained to them that I was joshing with them. Pay back is due anytime and so I figure I was getting my leg pulled with these seed signs.


If you look really close at these signs you start to get an idea of what is happening here. Yep they were playing a little trick on ‘ol Greg.  I remember the Burma Shave signs that were along the road. They had a little sayings and all that You really looked out for those signs when you were traveling as a kid, and everybody in the car read them as they went by, out loud, every single time.


Well the other day one of the farmers was going by the field below and I was coming the other way on the dirt county road, and he was laughing his head off. I figured that he must have read these signs and there was some kind of Burma Shave thing, you know, a message and it was humorous. So I went to work.


Now I have this condition. I can “see” things (just like that Beautiful Mind guy), patterns and some kind of repeating key.  That must be the secret to this Seed Sign Burma Shave Message. Like the one above. I really went to work on it. I took all of the letter and numbers and ran they through a cryptography algorithm (Not Al Gore) and then I noted that there was some message there. That Golf Course sign, since it was at the beginning I figured it must be some kind of “begin message” sign or a punctuation thing.


So this wasn’t as easy as you might think…I had to do some reverse numerology and then use some Kerberos thirty-two bit number crunching.


It wasn’t till I ran a Fourier Transformation on the data and took it from the time domain to the frequency domain that I saw the message:


Bob’s chickens have hair.
So I am told that is pretty funny around here. I will let you know how all this turns out. I’m gonna find out who Bob is and, yep, you got it, I want to see those chickens.

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