Today’s Panel Question: Who Should be Obama’s VP
#1—Barefoot & Pregnant Sista
The women are already in discussion about today’s question—Who Should be Obama’s VP?
#1: Harriet Tubman
#2: Girl, Harriet Tubman is dead.
#1: I know Harriet Tubman is dead, but her spirit lives on.
#3: Yeah, it would be symbolic.
#4: Come on now, we all know the real VP is gon be Michelle just like Hillary was for Bill.
#2: Hillary’s the best choice.
#3: She got too much baggage.
#4: You talkin’ ‘bout Bill?
#1: Bill plus all the stuff he said after South Carolina, and what she said before Pennsylvania and West Virginia.
#2: Yeah, they showed their real colors.
#3: And it’s mostly bright red especially around the neck.
#4: If Obama makes them VP, only a heartbeat away from being back in the Big House, the brother would have to sleep with a shotgun ‘cause you know he’d be in serious danger.
#1: That’s right. Remember how the current VP shot a guy in the face in a hunting accident and then the guy he shot apologized for getting in the way.
#2: How ‘bout we throw out the folks who ain’t got a snowball’s chance in hell?
#3: That would include all dead people plus all black, brown, red, yellow, and green, men and women.
#4: Don’t forget Muslims, Mormons, Jews, ex-cons, gays, too short, too tall people, and too fat folks.
#1: Who’s left?
#2: Forrest Gump.
#3: Forrest Gump is a fictional character.
#4: But he was played by Tom Hanks who endorsed Obama a long time ago.
#1: Tom Hanks is an actor.
#2: So was Ronald Reagan.
#3: And Tom Hanks is a much better actor than Ronald Reagan could have ever hoped to be.
#4: That’s right. Reagan would have given anything to kiss the toes of Tom Hanks’ Oscar statutes.
#1: If we gonna go with an actor than my vote is for Denzel. He got a couple of Oscars too.
#2: We already said we can’t have no more Black people on the ticket. You want to see America lose its mind you put two Black men in the White House at the same time.
#3: Guess that leaves out Colin Powell.
#4: Colin Powell’s Black? I thought he was white guy with a tan from being in the desert with his soldiers and stuff.
#1: How about Arnold the Terminator?
#2: You have to be a native American to be President.
#3: You telling me that everybody who’s been President since George Washington has been part Indian?
#4: Take the grits off the stove. I got it. Jesus.
#1: Jesus who?
#4: Jesus Christ for Obama’s VP.
#2: Well, he ain’t dead like Harriet Tubman.
#3: That’s right. Jesus lives unless you’re Jewish.
#4: But he should still be able to get the Jewish vote because Jesus was a Jew.
#1: If Jesus was Jewish how come the Jews don’t give him his props like they supposed to?
#2: Let’s not go down a road that we have no idea where it will take us.
#3: True that. So do we go with a blonde-hair, blue-eyed Jesus, or a nappy-haired, bronze one?
#4: That’s the deal breaker.
#1: It sho’ is.
#2: Okay, I got it. Let’s put a bunch of white boy names like John, Bob, Bill, Joe in a hat. We each pick one and whoever you pick you got to defend that person until we all agree on who should be Obama’s VP.
#3: So you mean that if I pick John then I can go with John Kerry, John Edwards, John Dean, John Doe.
#1: What about Jack, Jimmy, and James?
#2: What about them?
#3: I hear what she’s saying. You know how some guys named John are called Jack? And a guy named James could be Jimmy. And then the ones that I don’t get. You know, Edward is Ted and William is Bill but rarely Will.
#4: Names in a hat ain’t gonna work.
#1: Lord have mercy. What’s Obama gonna do?
#2: He got this far on a wing and a prayer.
#3: Obama, keep your eyes on the prize, baby!
#4: That’s our show for today. This has been Dreadlocked Sistas on today’s topic, which was “Who Should be Obama’s VP?” and our answer is …
All together—We don’t have a freaking clue!
Fist pounds all around.