Five Conjectures on the Unknown Amazon Tribe

+ enlarge

A mystery has been presented regarding several pictures of a previously undiscovered tribe. I am of course referring to this story of what appears to be an unknown indigenous tribe living in the forest on the Brazilian and Peruvian border. Experts say it is very well possible that these people are one of the few remaining undiscovered tribal peoples left in the world, having had no known contact with modern society. I, however, think differently, and the following are my conjectures as to who or what these people may be.

1. Refugees
When the Portuguese empire began to expand their claims in the Brazilian lands during the mid-sixteenth century, many native tribes retreated farther into the undeveloped lands where they would be able to maintain their way of life for some number of years. This possibly caused a chain reaction of “bad news,” wherein forest tribes may have received word (from already-fleeing tribes) of the impending dominance at the hands of the white men, despite these forest tribes never having seen them to substantiate such claims. A handful, driven by fear, may have ventured farther into the rainforest, so far as to not be noticed by modern civilization until this very week.

Probability Assessment: Practical.

2.  Lost Explorers
The Portuguese often sent explorers into the Brazilian wilds to scout for areas containing resources, habitable locations for settlements, and other such beneficial things. It is possible that some ill fortune befell a particular group of explorers, causing them to become completely lost with no sense of direction, be it because of bloodthirsty predators, bad spats of weather, or the lack of a competent navigator. Eventually, these poor souls settled in a comfortable area of the forest, taking local women as their wives and establishing a small society, with their descendants knowing little to nothing of their mixed Portuguese heritage.

Probability Assessment: Plausible

3. Fletcher Christian
The reported death of the man who is possibly the most famous mutineer in history has always been an area of conflict. Christian led his few remaining men, their Tahitian wives, some slaves, and several of their children to the uninhabited Pitcairn Island in the south Pacific to escape British persecution forever. Pitcairn residents at the time describe his manner of death in a wide spectrum of strange and unflattering circumstances. Reports ranged from him suffering horrible insanity and committing suicide, being killed by a slave uprising, and rumors even predicted that he secretly returned to England to live out his life under an alias.

However, under this new information of an undiscovered tribe in the Amazon, I believe it to be possible that Fletcher Christian, forever fearing a British ship arriving to take him away, fled even further across the globe, winding up on the Pacific coast of South America. He then could have ventured inland, befriended the natives, and established a secret tribe in which he established an eternal code of remaining isolated under all circumstances, paranoid as he was. This tribe would never become curious as to what lied beyond their known borders because of this, and still abide by these rules today.

Probability Assessment: Highly Unlikely

4. Supporters of Failed American Presidential Candidates
We all know that some people never stop supporting their presidential candidates. You, the prestigious reader, have likely seen, or may be one of, people whose cars’ bumpers remain saddled with “Dole/Kemp ‘96” or “Kerry/Edwards ‘04” labels that they refuse to take off. A select few of these people may truly believe that their country would be a sparkling utopia if only their ticket of choice was elected as the chief executive, and is otherwise an atrocious wasteland of “capitalist pigs” and “mob rule”. It is not entirely out of the question, then, that there exists a secret cabal of such like-minded people who chose to establish a remote society in the deepest, darkest jungle they could find to live a primitive lifestyle.

They likely recruit new members through angry anti-candidate-who-was-actually-elected Internet forums and send a cordial invitation to join them in their blissfully ignorant world. Judging by the current year, its elders are disgruntled Walter Mondale supporters who fled the United States after the 1984 election, forsaking modern commodities instead of suffering four more years of Reaganomics. The community is ironically bipartisan, with the Bush/Quayle ‘94 Republicans living peacefully alongside Gore/Lieberman ‘00 Democrats. The only people who have been completely barred from invitation are Ralph Nader supporters. Recently, the community has been receiving a steady flow of Ron Paul dedicates since February of 2008.

Probability Assessment: Imaginable

5. Aliens
It has recently been a buzz on the Internet that an authentic video of an alien life form. Whether or not this is a solid claim or a mere canard remains to be seen, but the fact that I learned of both this story and the unknown tribe within hours of each other, they may be connected. Are these unknown tribes people harboring otherworldly visitors? Or are they aliens themselves, disguised as tribal people to throw off the photographer in the plane, knowing that an undiscovered tribe is more believable than a forest colony of extraterrestrials? Is this why they are so secretive, and furthermore, have remained isolated on purpose? Only time shall tell the truth.

Probability Assessment: I stopped trying to be serious after I wrote the word “Five” in the title of this article.


Loading comments...