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Israeli Santa and Palestinian Santa: Email Exchange

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From: Santa Clause Israel
Date: Monday December 7, 2009 2:19pm
To: Santa Clause Palestine
Subject: Situation on the Ground

Hello Nicholas,

It took me a while to consider sending you this email, but I feel I need to speak to someone. I am sure you heard of the recent survey conducted in five elementary schools in Israel and five other schools in the Occupied Palestinian Territories, the findings of the survey came as surprise in light of both of our hard work to bring joy.

When I read that 85 percent of Israeli school children do not believe in me, compared with 75 percent of children in Palestine do not believe in you, I feel unloved.
 
What shall I tell Mrs. Clause?

Remind me again why do we do this?

Father Christmas.


From: Santa Clause Palestine
Date: Monday December 7 2009 2:25pm
To: Santa Clause Israel
Subject: Re Situation on the Ground

Hello Nicholas,

It’s a bumper about the survey finding, but do not let that get to you. I think it’s a knee slapper that the survey also found that 79 percent of Palestinian school children think my red suit makes me a member of the Palestinian Popular Front Movement.

Nick, I think it was 55 percent of Palestinian school children associate me with the UNRWA, as a deliver presents in time of Christmas. I don’t get a check from these guys; my presents are not foreign aid. It’s to spread joy to the little ones. So, keep your head high … LOL … HO HO HO

Regards,

Santa

From: Santa Clause Israel
Date: Monday December 7 2009 3:19pm
To: Santa Clause Palestine
Subject: Re Re Situation on the Ground

Thanks ole’ boy, it just gets frustrating when I read things like 89 percent of the Israeli school children do not believe I come from the North. Because they think nothing good has ever come from Israel northern borders with Lebanon.

I am trying to be calm, but when I read the news and about beating of Santa last week in Tel-Aviv mall and the few Russian Jews are not feeling the Christmas spirit.

Sometimes, I think, let them have their Hanukkah and candle lights and cash gifts (gelt) The North Pole is working at capacity anyway.

Saint Nicolas.

From: Santa Clause Palestine
Date: Monday December 7 2009 4:00pm
To: Santa Clause Israel
Subject: Re Re Re Situation on the Ground

Hold your reindeers Saint Nicolas, last night the Israeli military arrested one of my guys for protesting. Remember, you only have to worry about the nice Israeli boys, the naughty ones get sent to the West Bank.

Every night here we celebrate Hanukkah with the candle light as the power goes off frequently. Listen kids here also like cash, just like their cousins over where you are, return policies are kind of non-existent over here.
 
But that does not mean we ought to give up, did Will Farrell give up when he was an Elf? Answer is no!

Speaking of Hanukkah, did you know that olive oil has a special meaning in the Hanukkah celebration? Maybe you can give those little kids in Israel some olive oil bottles in their stuffing to kill two birds with one stone.

One more thing Santa, I am stuck in Gaza and cannot find parts to fix my sleigh, can you hook a Santa up? And my reindeers love pasta but I can’t seem to find any here.

Father Christmas.

From: Santa Clause Israel
Date: Monday December 7 2009 5:19pm
To: Santa Clause Palestine
Subject: Re Re Re Re Situation on the Ground

Father Christmas,

Yeah, just send me what you need, maybe I can fly over, thanks for your support really.
Yeah actually, I knew about the Hanukkah “Miracle of Oil” thing.

I guess I cannot just leave my post here in Israel that will give a bad signal that there are no good boys over here that might be a bad PR move on the North Pole’s part.

BTW, do kids in Palestine make their cookies with date or nuts?

Santa.

From:
Santa Clause Palestine
Date: Monday December 7 2009 5:30pm
To: Santa Clause Israel
Subject: Re Re Re Re Re Situation on the Ground

Saint Nicolas,

That’s my Santa; way to be mature about this (BTW, when is your birthday?) I advise you against flying over, the military might shoot you sleigh down and then we both are stuck; we cannot spread joy if we are both stuck. Instead use the tunnels to get me the needed parts, I know a guy.
 
Did you say miracle of Oil? Isn’t that Saudi Arabia? Anyhow,

I think this little kid just called me Hajj; I am no Hajj for crying out loud since I was banned from Saudi Arabia.

P.S. The kids here leave me Baklava
P.P.S. Homes here do not have chimneys, I feel bad, but many of the homes have blast-holes from last year when the military went and destroyed all the joy I built up.

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